A constant mindset I’ve acquired as I journey through my wonderful, yet hard time on the race is: “mine.” It’s difficult to live with a limited amount of items. Pens, a Bible, sleeping bag, tent, backpack, very few, recycled outfits. You get the point. It’s mainly hard when you’ve just come out of living in an environment when any desire was at the tip of your finger.
Possessiveness has twisted me up in it’s lie. I don’t like sharing with my teammates or squad mates. If our typical $3-$5 per day to buy food is distributed to us from our fundraised money, I rage at AIM, assuming they’re cheating me. A few dollars come out of my personal money here and there and I HATE it. When I politely hear, “can I have the rest?” I feel unnecessary anger. “What do I get in return?” I ungratefully think.
All these things come with living on a very tight budget, and of course, in community with 40-some other peers. But, in reality, it is a lie to say that anything I’ve ever owned is mine. Everything we have is given to us by God for a time, to be used for His glory. It can be taken in an instant. We breathe to give Him glory and even that can be snatched away so quickly.
So many, I mean so many people in this world live on less than $1 a day, $1.25, maybe $2. All around me, daily, I smile and pass multiple people who are homeless, sleeping on the cold, Nepal road with nothing, nothing to call their’s. Not to mention the other millions of people who I don’t pass, that are in the same situation, or only slightly better.
But, there is a much larger difference in my situation and their’s. It is much bigger than materialistic items. I know where my soul will spend eternity. I know with whom my soul will live forever. And, I know what has been done for me on the cross. Not to say all of these precious people are unaware of Christ and His love for them, but ultimately there is a huge need and hurt in these people’s eyes. Many people with homes and successful lifestyles here in Nepal need to know Jesus with the same urgency, don’t discredit that. Only, I’m just now realizing my selfishness in all of this.
I’m on the bottom floor of a home filled with 38-ish girls, sleeping on a mattress, and my room is approximately the same temperature as the outdoors: COLD. It’s winter here in Nepal, home to Everest if you didn’t know, and I haven’t experienced cold in quite a while. I’m getting a slight taste of being uncomfortable and it doesn’t even compare to the hurt, brokenness, pain, sadness, addiction, trafficking, slavery, lies, quick fixes, bondage and so much more that FILL the streets all around me. But……
all I can do is snap at my teammate when they request a bite of my pizza.
I have caught my heart in it’s selfishness and pride. I don’t intend on beating myself up for this realization, instead I understand that Jesus can help me out of this mindset; however, I write this as an encouragement to you.
Nothing is our own- even our salvation was given to us by the creator. We are more than blessed to receive such a gift, yet we still sit in a posture of selfishness in front of the Lord. We ask God why He hasn’t gifted us with major fame, success, or simply a new car, the girl or guy we want, etc. If anything, we owe our King EVERYTHING we have. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. He abundantly gives to us and He knows our every need. I mean, has God not promised all throughout the Bible to give us everything HE KNOWS we need?
Psalm 66: Praise our God, He has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping.
Jeremiah 31: “I will turn their mourning into gladness, I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.”
Ezekiel 36: “I will put my Spirit in you.”
Nahum 1: The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble.
Zechariah 10: Ask the Lord for rain in the springtime, it is the Lord who sends the thunderstorms.
Psalm 18: It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.
Exodus 33: “My presence will go with you and I will give you rest.”
Exodus 33: “I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name.”
“give, give, give, I will, I will do this for you, I am ____ for you.”
He is simply GOOD because of His grace. Oh, what a precious attribute of God. Rest in HIS goodness today, friends. When you want, when you desire- turn to Him. Cry out to Him to hunger and thirst for HIS word. The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. Let your soul rest in that. Be grateful and truly remind yourself that his love and salvation is all you really need. Look around you. Give selflessly. Serve someone. Share. Share the Gospel! Love. Yearn for Him.
