Of course, I have many fears about the race. Some being: lack of wisdom, danger, health, missing home, missing friends and family from home; and the list goes on. Even though I know the Lord will equip my team and I, it’s still hard to have great faith about the unknown. My most substantial and genuine fear for this journey is one single word. “Attachment.”
This might sound a little odd or silly to some of you, but I will further explain. Attachment to children, people, friends, places, that little girl or boy in Africa or India or Central America that has no mommy or daddy and has only ever felt the love of Jesus Christ shown by my squad and I. And that’s my main fear. My excessively sympathetic heart cannot handle that.
This past summer, I was in Guatemala for one week. Let me repeat that: ONE WEEK, 7 days, approximately 160 hours. By the end of the week, every child I encountered snatched a tiny piece of my heart. Before it was even our last day in Guatemala, I cried. I cried like a newborn baby. I wept. I was mad that I had to leave them back in their reality. I was mad that, although in the hands of our Father, I couldn’t make them follow Jesus and realize His glory. I shed tears filled with their pain. Now, I haven’t experienced much like those precious children and people experience; I just can’t help but to ache because they ache. This heart God has given me is a blessing and somewhat a curse. But ultimately, I’m thankful that the Lord has taught me to love like I do.
I’m just afraid, frightened in fact, that I will love too hard, each place I go. You’re probably thinking, “That can’t possible be a negative thing.” But, debriefs and leaving each country will make this a negative thing. The thought of the love we will show to these children, being taken away from them when we part ways, kills me. The worry of my own hurt when leaving these children is indeed selfish, but it is also a fear I cannot control. Deep and constant prayers travel to my Jesus regarding this concern. Endlessly, I am reassured by the very love God wraps me up in; so abundant and never failing. The prominent reminder that all people are His children and always He is holding, even those I will cross paths with in the future, extra close. This excites and humbles me in my tracks as I remember how much more true, generous, rich, overflowing, profuse, beautiful, and glorious His love is compared to anything I could ever grant them. Thank you, Jesus, for everything that you are; for everything about your character.
1 John 4:7-10 “Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is a child of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.”
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XOXO, with so much love,
Annie Bolick
