So, as most of y’all know, I’ve been on the race for a whole 5 1/2 months! There have been MANY up’s and downs since being here. In this post, I want to share with you the moment I found true joy in the race. Its crazy that it’s taken 5 months to get to this point, but hey, i’m glad it happened now rather than never!
Last month we had team changes and it completely broke me. I was so sad to be leaving something so good. Something i’ve had to learn on the race though is that you leave good situations to go into new good situations. I knew I was going to love my new team, but I was also grieving leaving a group of girls that had become family. I even joked saying it was like the beginning of the race all over again, having to leave family and friends to go somewhere hundreds of miles away.
Every day away from them got a little better though. I started seeing myself falling in love with the people around me and the ministry we were doing. I was growing closer to God by how these girls pushed me and called me higher. I started to just finding myself in a very positive and loving environment which in return made me more positive and loving.
One day though, I was struggling a little bit. I really missed home, I missed team ABS, I missed my sisters and family. It was just a really hard day. I felt God telling me to go and listen to music. So I went into my room, played on my sleeping pad, and played one of my worship playlists. I laid there with my eyes closed when all of a sudden the song “Reason to Sing” by All Sons & Daughters came on. Its lyrics go:
When the pieces seem too shattered
To gather off the floor
And all that really matters
Is that I can’t feel You anymore
Is that I don’t feel You anymore
I need a reason to sing
I need a reason to sing
I need to know that You’re still holding
The whole world in Your hands
And I need a reason to sing
When I’m overcome by fear
And I hate everything I know
If this waiting lasts forever
I’m afraid I might let go
I’m afraid I might let go
‘Cause I need a reason to sing
‘Cause I need a reason to sing
I need to know that You’re still holding
The whole world in Your hands
And I need a reason to sing
You gave me a reason
Will there be a victory?
Will You sing it over me now?
Your peace is the melody
Will You sing it over me now?
‘Cause I need a reason to sing
I need a reason to sing
I need to know that You’re still holding
The whole world in Your hands
And that is a reason to sing
I started to cry realizing that this was exactly where my heart was. I needed a reason to sing. Matthew 7:7 ESV says ““Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” So thats what I did. I asked God to give me a reason to sing.
We were about to go to ministry that day which was evangelism and I was just not feeling it. I honestly just wanted to stay home and not do much of anything. I felt God telling me to go though, so I knew wether i liked it or not, I needed to go. Even in the car ride I remember thinking “this is stupid. How am I supposed to pour into others when I feel so empty myself?” But at that point it was too late to turn back.
So we got to the church where we were supposed to meet the translators, but they weren’t there. So we decided to wait outside and play with the local kids until they came. Twenty minutes turned to forty and forty minutes turned into an hour.
During that time though, like I said, we were playing with kids. All these girls and boys were dancing with us, playing clapping games with us, having tug of wars with us, and just being free with us. I was playing with this one girl and I don’t know what we were doing, but God said to me. Here is your moment. Here Is your reason to sing.
From that moment on, I have been filled with joy! Not just a life lived with joyful moments, but unending joy. A joy through everything. Good or bad. It is such a freeing feeling to have true joy! Its a feeling like no other! I do wish I had found this joy sooner. It is something I have been seeking to have for my whole life. Now that I have it though, My life is completely different. It is a life walked in courage and boldness.
I am so happy I get to share these experiences with you back home. My prayer is that you would find the same joy I have found. A true joy like no other. Thank you for taking part in this journey with me and for keeping me in your prayers! Life with 11 girls has been crazy, but its so much fun! Prayers for us to stay present as our race is on the downhill slope would be so so so appreciated. We all want to experience what God has for us now, but sometimes its hard to stop fantasying about being home in 3 1/2 short months. I love you all! Thanks for reading!
