Month five and six are often described as the most difficult months of the race. By this point, you’re in the thick of it. You’ve grown so much since the beginning, but at this point, the growth is slower, harder to see. It’s easy to become complacent. It’s easy to want to check out; and although, deep down, you know you want to fight for the growth, fight to stay present, grow into deeper intimacy with the Lord, it is so much easier to give into distractions. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m guilty. I’m guilty of numbing myself with distractions, hoping that they will satisfy or lull the realities of what I’m seeing, experiencing, and feeling. As many times as I run to those distractions, I should know they don’t satisfy. Sure, the books allow to me run into other worlds and get lost in the characters’ stories, but it is temporary. Sure, thoughts about the future occupy my time, but in the end, the daydreams only bring emptiness. Sure, social media feels like connectedness, but in the end, it feels lonely. Nothing satisfies quite like I hope, yet why do I run back to them, when I have the one thing that will always satisfy?
Distractions have become the “remedy” for my discontentment. Distractions have become my quick fix to deep wounds of longing. Yet, here I am, wounds exposed, still longing for healing. Thankfully, the true Healer, meets me here and lovingly nurses the wounds back to health. These wounds of discontentment aren’t fixed overnight. I think feelings of longing are expected this side of heaven. We were made for more and this world doesn’t satisfy the desires of our heart. But even so, what does it look like to live with a sense of contentment despite our circumstances. God has given me the most beautiful example of that this month. Her name is Ebony.
The day we arrived in the village, Ebony was waiting for us at the house. She huddled close to me and grabbed my hand right away when many of the other kids were still afraid of us azungus. She has a smile that’s contagious. She is a beacon of light. She’s the depiction of contentment. She plays in the dirt like it’s the most magical experience. She will play hand clapping games for hours if you will join her. She finds scraps of tulle from the trash and makes headbands for she and her friends. She finds joy in all circumstances. She embodies Philippians 4:11-13.
“for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”
This sweet little five year old has shown me what living with true contentment looks like. In a season where distractions were such a temptation, she has reminded me of the way I want to live. I want to live with a deep sense of contentedness, one that doesn’t falter based on my circumstances. I want to see purpose in each season of my life, regardless of whether it’s hard, and simply rest in the truth that God has ordained this part of my life for a reason, even if I can’t see it. Because what God is teaching me through this season of contentment is trust. Trusting that His plan for me is always good. It is better than I could ever anticipate or imagine. I want to live in a way that reflects that trust, and to me, that looks like living with contentment. It looks like living with gratitude. Trust is something the Lord is teaching me these days, showing me what it looks like to surrender plans and expectations, because living with trust is living a life of contentment.
