What does it mean to be beautiful? This is a question I’ve struggled with for a long time. I’ve been picked on for my weight from elementary school through high school and believed those lies for far too long. I have always seen myself as a fat girl. I’ve seen the imperfections and wished for a slimmer face and toner legs and a flatter stomach. I’ve wished to be tan and seen as gorgeous to a room full of people. To be confident in how I look. But it seems I have never met the expectations of society. If you aren’t super slim and tall you aren’t seen as attractive. But I’m slowly learning that beauty truly is defined by culture and has nothing to do with whether or not someone is truly beautiful or not.
Here in the Philippines, I think the people are some of the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. Between their beautiful smiles, full lips, thin frames, near perfect hair and lovely tanned skin, they are absolutely beautiful. Yet I’ve heard so many of them say they are ugly and we are the beautiful ones. The white skinned, curvy, crazy frizzy curls, colored eyes, and freckles. So many things that I and so many other Americans are self conscious about are seen as the ultimate beauty here. The malls are full of advertisements for skin whitening products. They all want our skin – our pasty white, freckly skin. They love my curvy hips and slightly extra fluff because it means I have wealth aka enough food to eat. Ata Evangeline agreed to trade skin with us.
Bill Swan asked us to think about something we’d love to leave behind in each country this year and something we want to take with us. I think what I would really like to leave in the Philippines is my skewed, Americanized definition of beauty. No more do I have to be a size 4 to be beautiful. No more do I have to weigh a certain number to be desirable. No more do I have to have straight hair or curly hair that always behaves to be good looking. Beauty is instead soul deep, not skin deep. The soul seeps into the skin. The joyful spirit comes out of the smile and the eyes that shine bright because you love those you are with, both your team and the people in a country. The love comes from arms pulling each other into an embrace that is strong and warm, and maybe a little fluffy. The grace comes from walking (and often times in my case tripping) with poise and being able to laugh at my clumsiness. Eyes reflecting Jesus with care and compassion no matter their color. Hands that hold tightly as we walk down the road. That is what I would hope someone would find beautiful in me – that my outward reflects the inward. A heart that loves deeply and sees and draws out the beauty in others. That I would be loved for my heart because all but my soul will one day fade away into wrinkles and dust. So when people talk about beautiful people, I won’t be insecure about myself because I am beautiful to my God and just because someone else is seen as beautiful doesn’t mean I’m not. That outward beauty is nothing compared to soul beauty. That letting perceptions define beauty is just as silly as believing that someone else can read a book through my eyes – impossible.
So for month one I’m giving away my view of beauty and vow to find beauty in the world that is unnoticed and unaware, beauty that doesn’t even know it’s beautiful.
