*Disclaimer – this blog is a collection of writing from over the month so I apologize if it isn’t all in the correct tense or voice.
I am currently four weeks into my Thailand Tale and let me tell you has it been an adventure. I’ve checked things off my bucket list, peeled back some more layers of junk I need to deal with in myself, and made some new friends that will last for a lifetime. I’ll do my best to recap the last few weeks but there’s a lot to discuss.
Debrief – I honestly didn’t know what to expect. I couldn’t have told you on day one that my heart would be so light yet full of joy and love. God did SUCH a work in me that week.
I was in a MOOD when we got to Thailand. The whole squad being together and being our loud, loving selves overwhelmed me. I was not happy about missing my little family of 7 being together with no one else. I was sad that I had said goodbye to people I love dearly, even though I’d only known them two and a half weeks.
We spoke a lot about breaking free from things that had been holding us captive. Sam, our squad mentor, immediately jumped in and spoke some truth to us. I realized that although I am still trying to redefine what I see as beautiful, that will be a long process and I am going to have to start seeing myself as beautiful. I claimed freedom to see myself as a beautiful woman who walks in confidence and doesn’t care what I think others think about me. I also realized just how big of a problem comparison was for me. I was comparing myself to other women on my squad and even those who walked by on the streets. Erin, one of my awesome squad leaders, told us how that was comparing one imperfect being to another and that was idolatry. You are telling the Lord that he didn’t do a good enough job when he made you. In addition to realizing how big of an issue comparison was for me, I also realized that I got very jealous very easily.
Jealousy is not pretty. I didn’t want to be jealous but emotions, oooo emotions. We have a love/hate relationship (haha see what I did there). This is still one I’m working through. It ties in to my feelings of not being wanted and not belonging that I’ve struggled with since I was a little girl. Being the new kid a lot growing up, I never truly felt I belonged. I struggled to find my place. I realize I’m still struggling to find my place, my place in the Kingdom. Obviously this is exactly where God wants me but I want to know where he is guiding me long term. How I can best serve the Kingdom of God. This is still something I’m working through but I will keep you updated as I feel led. Just know you can pray for me to continue to KNOW that I belong and God wants and desires to be with me as does my team and my squad.
Our fun activity was to pet tigers, which let me tell you was definitely as amazing as I dreamed. I got bitten by a tiger cub (which was painful and awesome at the same time because how many people can say, I’ve been bitten by a tiger). I also had a starting contest with a growling male named Llyod. I won.
Week One – We had bar ministry, where we would go and pray for the women and lady boys who work in the bars, the men who patron the bars, and the people who own the bars. This was actually quite exhausting. Spending so much time calling on the name of the Lord to fight the darkness, it was hard. I will admit it was hard to stay focused sometimes, with the bustle of bar tenders setting up, men browsing for places to visit that night, and the large number of tourists always around. During the off-season, there are probably about 5,000 men women and children working in the bars. It is tourist high season so about 25,000 men, women, and children are working as prostitutes in the bar right now.
During this week we made a friend, whom I will call Sunshine. It was Wednesday and Dani and I both felt we needed to be brave and step out in faith. So we made it our goal that day to make a friend. We ended up making three, although the one that we connected with most was Sunshine. I didn’t know if was possible to love someone so fast. My favorite part of the day was when we got to go talk to her in the afternoon. We would laugh and hear about her life and her family. Oh how I love this woman so much. Sadly for us this week on Tuesday, she returned to her village, which is a ten-hour bus ride away. This is sad for me but good for her because she is now with her 6-year-old daughter and her parents. She told us she wanted a good man to love her so she could give her heart to him. And oh do I know a good man who desperately wants to love her, and his name is Jesus. I pray she one day meets him. I miss her so much already.
Sunday the 22nd, we went and rode elephants, which was the best thing EVER. I rode on its neck so there was nothing between the magnificent momma elephant and me. I learned that day that elephants can growl, and it’s kind of frightening when you can feel it under your butt. I was waiting for her to reach up and smack me with her trunk. Thailand’s animals just like to growl at me. It’s cause they think I speak their language I think.
Week Two – This week, our third week here, we are the intercessory team. Our job was to pray for the squad and the ministry here. We prepare worship and it has been so powerful. Lydia, Isaac and Kelsey have done a great job this week. Josh, Kelsey, Derek and Jess were not with us for the first two days because they were teaching English as the police academy two hours outside the city. We all may go and do this again next week.
I have loved this month but this has also been a hard month. I feel a little bit disconnected with my team, especially between half of them having been gone this week and then so many people being here and there and everywhere for various reasons. But I have also gotten to know several of my squad members better and I am excited to maybe work with them again in the future. As I look at our last full week in Chiang Mai next week (WOW, month two is almost over) I am blown away by the things that the Lord is doing. He is here in Chiang Mai and he will be everywhere we go. Even with all the scary things going on in the world, I am happy to keep following him wherever he may lead.
Week Three – This week our team went to the Thailand Police Academy in Lampang for two days. I absolutely LOVED it. I had such a fantastic time talking to the young men, my students, and made some lifelong friends with our hosts. They are beyond sweet and I am going to miss them so much! We are going out to dinner with them this Friday and possibly going to elephant training camp for a day on Sunday or Monday. Today, Wednesday, we prayer walked this morning and went to monk chat. We saw our friend Neil and had a great time learning more about Buddhism from him and about the life of the monk we talked to. After that we went to the slums and played soccer with some of the boys. I had a great time playing goalie and saved some good shots. I’m so excited to be with my team again next month. I love them so much. I will miss several of my new friends on the squad though. J
As we prepare to leave in less than a week I hope to write out a lot of what I learned and hopefully share some of that with you. We find out Friday or Saturday where we will be next month so I can’t wait to share that with you! Love you all. Shout out to my friends at Cornerstone Christian Academy! Thank you for praying for me on this journey!
