“I can’t do this.”
That has been running through my mind this week as I attempt to pack for training camp. I have no idea how to pack for a year, let alone a week in these two bags. There’s so much I want and need. I keep worrying about the “what ifs” – what if I get a headache every day because I don’t get my caffeine; what if I have to go to the bathroom in the woods (which is already bad enough in itself) and get bitten or stung by an insect on my bum; what if I don’t bring enough clean underwear; what if I get sick. I could go on for another page and a half. I’m an over analyzer. I like to plan and be in control and training camp alone is going to shake me out of that comfort level. And since we are’t told relatively anything about what we do at camp from AIM, there is no way of knowing exactly what we will encounter. Which I know they have a purpose for doing, but boy does it make my worry muscle get a good workout. Now if only that burned calories…..
As I lay in bed last night wondering what in the world I was going to do to get myself through all this and how I was going to pack, I just cried out to God saying, “I don’t think I can do this, Jesus.”
And I heard that still small voice within my spirit whisper, “Good. Cause you can’t.”
I was like, “Say what?” (I think I even said it out loud)
The Lord clearly said, “ You can’t do this on your own. If you could, you wouldn’t need me very much would ya? This isn’t about showing how much you can do; it’s about learning to let go of the things that make you feel secure and safe and learning to trust me with everything, including giving you the ability to pack what you need, not what you want. This is about learning to let go and live like the disciples, because that’s what you are.”
And so I went to sleep knowing that even though I have many days where I’m not sure how I’m going to pack for training camp, let alone 11 months, I have a God who is going to stretch me and chisel me into the woman He has called me to be. But in order to pick up my calling and run with it, I’ve got to let go of the things I try to hold on to for security and identity.
So today I packed some. Here is a glimpse into some of the things that occurred.
I took out almost half the clothes I was trying to cram in with me. I watched a bunch of videos on Pinterest of former racers offering advice (this was very helpful to future racers – I have never been camping in my life, let alone packed a travel sized backpack so learning where to put everything was a plus). I found out how much I truly do love Ziploc bags. They can be filled with anything and stuffed in random places in your pack. One day I will make a more developed and precise packing blog (because it seems every racer does) but for today, I am pretty proud of the packing job I did. I will post pics in a few days, (because I’m not completely done with my daypack since I still need to brush my teeth at night and such). 🙂
Expect a blog post sometime again soon! Can’t wait to meet the N-Squad! Next week we find out the date we leave and where we leave from! So excited! Just as a reminder, my route is :The Philippines, Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, Malawi, Zambia, Zimbabwe, Ireland, Bulgaria, Moldova and Romania. 
Most of the things I will be taking to training camp
The clothes (besides the ones I’m wearing in) that I will be taking to training camp. Yeah, I know – woah.
