I’ve received many e-mails in the past few days about how I’m doing health wise. Just to let everyone know, I’m back to being me J My first few days here were a little rough. I arrived on the 30th to be with the media team to film everyone arriving at the airport on the 31st. I have the type of personality where it’s very easy for me to plan. So, my plans were to finish some things that I had to mail (so I could use US stamps) in between taping everyone arriving and just kind of hang out. Just as the first group started to arrive, I felt really sick. I actually typed my “Here We Go” blog in between trips to the bathroom. So, many of my team mates (well, the girls at least) said their hello’s to me from the other side of stall #6 in the Harlingen Airport women’s bathroom. Talk about being outside your comfort zone!! And I hadn’t even left the country yet!!
After being told I needed to leave the bathroom by the police, (yeah…) I went out to where the group was a laid down next to them. Someone threw a blanket on me while others got around and prayed for me. By the time we left, I felt good enough to leave, but still quite ill. I made it across the border and spent New Year’s Eve in bed.
The next day I woke up feeling okay. It was our quiet day (day of Prayer and Praise and Worship) and once again I had planned how I thought it would go. It didn’t go at all like that though and my natural instinct was to get really upset about it. By the evening, I started feeling really bad again, especially when we were debriefing about how everyone’s day went. It was then that I realized that this didn’t come from eating certain foods, drinking the water or anything like that, but it was more of a spiritual thing. On Tuesday, I woke up feeling bad again and after praying with my team, decided to skip breakfast and go back to where the girls were staying. I lay down on my bunk and being really frustrated, just went into a time of prayer. It was kind of like a morning of prayer and fasting and it was the best quiet time I’ve had in a long time. I just felt like a ton of stuff was revealed during that time.
See, one thing I did was that I tried hard to correct all my problems by myself. I went to the airport knowing that I was not feeling well, but tried to “fix” it by downing a Sprite, lots of Pepto, etc. When that didn’t fix things, I got really upset, just because that was MY way of fixing things. A verse that I came across on Tuesday was Matthew 16 and around verse 25. I was reading from The Message which says, “Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You’re not in the driver’s seat; I am. Don’t run from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I’ll show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way, to finding yourself, your true self.”
Something else I had felt going into that Monday was that this was a time for me to just listen. I thought that meant God would tell me more details or plans of what was to come. When I didn’t “hear” anything, the frustration grew again. The listening though was not based on listening for details, but listening to my team mates and not to focus on me, but on them and their struggles.
It’s a struggle for me to be doing this trip since I’m such a planner and into the smallest details. Yet, this has also been probably the best two weeks of my life. I’m so right where I need to be right now, loving it and am going through this with my eyes wide open. I am so excited to see what God has planned ahead for me. It’s amazing to see what happens when my plans fail and God takes over.
