I was “home.”
Sitting in the floor of the bathroom, distraught, with tears streaming down my face. I was in shock. I wasn’t there anymore. Panting for air between sobs for what seemed forever the tears finally stopped and from mental and physical exhaustion I crashed into a sleep, hoping that this was a dream. That this was not real.
Waking up that morning I was forced to come to the realization that I was not in a third world country anymore. I was not in the country I love. I was not in Asia. I was not surrounded by the most beautiful, joyful kids you’ll ever met, I was not … home. I asked Jesus, “How am I going to do this?”
While America is my origin physically, it doesn’t feel like it is my heart’s origin. For five years I dreamed of India before actually getting to step on her soil. For five years I cried, prayed, and longed to be there, to be living in my dreams. And when I finally arrived to my dream that summer I felt like I was finally home. I was in tears in-between laughs, overwhelmed at this feeling. The place I dreamed of, imagined, and spoke to everyone about was all around me. I felt more alive than I had ever before. Every good thing was intensified to BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS and everything that was considered bad wasn’t so awful, actually it was beautiful. From passionate prayer times, the funniest tickle parties you’ve ever known to using the bathroom on the side of the road with a bunch of kids to sweating beyond imagine because of India’s humidity, to the most DELICIOUS food, to goodnight kisses with the kids, India was a dream. How could a place be so perfect in all of her imperfections?
So many people ask me, “why Asia? why India? Why not missions in an easier setting?” And all I can ever say is, it’s home. You know when you come home from a long day at work and you walk in the door, drop everything, hop into your pjs, and cuddle up on the couch? At that moment you feel at such ease; all is right in the world; you are home. That same feeling is how I feel when I am in Asia. It’s a sigh of relief and a love that cannot be fully communicated with words. It is one of those “deep down, no matter how far you run from it because it’s still going to be there” kind of loves.
Aside from my natural love for Asia, the Lord has spiritually revealed to me His jealous love for Asia. One night at a church service I began to ask the Lord what the Bride looks like, how does she hold herself? What is her hair like? Skin color? Clothing material? I wanted to see how the Bridegroom saw His Bride. Then as if she was right before me I could see her so clearly. And when I saw her the word “breathtaking” doesn’t even do her justice. Her hair was different textures and her skin different colors throughout, her dress was textiles from all over the world woven together. (I know that seems odd with all those mixtures but it was truly beautiful). She radiated the glory of God. It was in that moment that the Lord told me, “My Bride is not fully herself without Asia. Every people group make up a facet of My Bride. Take care of Asia. My heart longs for her to be fully herself and to be fully with Me.” I wept. and wept. and wept that night. The way He sees His Bride undoes me, it is a true love story.
When Jesus opened up this door of a year backpacking around Asia, loving on the ones before us, and loving Him at the same time it was almost too overwhelming to take in. He told me to take care of His Asian Bride two months before I applied and got accepted on the World Race and here I am preparing to go take care of Asia just like He asked. I will get to love her, listen to her, explore her villages and cities, sit with her beautiful people, and reflect His love to her.
I get to go home.
So, why Asia you ask? Because she means everything to Jesus. She is unique, beautiful, and full of life. And He lets us partner with Him to share in that love!
What is the Lord sharing with you today? What is He asking you to take care of? Maybe it is your family, the overlooked of your community, the person you work with every day? or maybe a far distant land? Open the ears of your heart and listen today because He is speaking to YOU.
