Currently laying in a bed by myself in LA. And I am filled with every emotion possible. As most of you know, due to covid-19, all world race teams have been pulled from the field. My heart is hurting for this country. My heart is already hurting THINKING about the goodbyes that are to come so soon. And My heart is hurting feeling like I didn’t get to finish what the father started. Which is a lie.
The truth is, he isn’t surprised by any of this. He knew all along what was going to happen. He knows what’s best for all of us, for we serve a God of good intentions. Praying for my heart to find peace in that.
It’s weird. I really really felt like the father was speaking freedom over my life in my last three months on the race. That after so many freaking years of walking in fear and submitting to the doubt and worry the enemy planted in my head, the father was finally going to show me how to to throw those chains in the sea. And he DID. He was faithful in that and still is. And I know now that I don’t know what tomorrow brings but I do know who holds tomorrow. It’s such a cliche/christianese term that’s way overused,,, but when someone ACTUALLY BELIEVES it and walks in the freedom that the father invites them too ??????? The enemy freaking shakes in his boots. Okay anyways (srry for the side note) I thought I was going to have three more months to perfect the art of walking in freedom. Lol but he had something different in plan. And while the thought of going home two months early made me start to feel like I was sinking again. The father reminded me. “You can still walk in freedom here darling”. The truth is, I’m never going to truly “perfect” walking in freedom. But I believe he just wants me to take it day by day. To not worry about tomorrow because today has its own worries. He wants me to give him my trust day by day.
So, how was my “trip”????? (A question I know I will be asked many times). Well, to be honest I don’t even know how to answer that question. I’ve seen miracles and wonders. Prayers and healings be preformed and answered in front of my own eyes. Whatever faith I had in the lord before the race was nothing compared to this understanding and trust in him that I have now. I made friends all around the world. Friends that I think about every day. People that I’ll tell my kids about one day. I laughed so hard I cried. So. Many. Times. I found out what communication looks like. When you live with people at all times, it’s something you figure out quick. (And if not quick, then you figure it out the hard way) I loved people really hard and had to say the hardest goodbyes. I worshipped. I did that lot. I learned the art of offering up my voice to the lord as worship even if my heart wasn’t in the right place to raise my hands. We worshipped the father together, this family and I. It’s a community that I’ve never experienced before. People that love you no matter what and raise you up instead of putting you down. And I really thought I would have two more months with this community. Now we are all splitting ways. My best friends. My squad. My team. I’ve seen the same six faces every second of every day for the past six months, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. my heart is breaking laying in this bed, alone, thinking that I won’t have to share a bed, or a room, or clothes, or anything with them anymore. My heart is breaking thinking about how I won’t see all of their beautiful faces every day. And how they won’t show up to ministry wearing my clothes without asking. My hearts breaking thinking about not getting pissed at anna scott for turning our one fan off oscillating so that she can cool down in blazing hot Cambodia. And her getting pissed at me for the same reason hahahahaha. I really thought I would have more time to grow. And walk through things with the father. But he knows what he’s doing and that gives me the most peace.
So please please please don’t ask me how my “trip” was. It wasn’t a trip to my squad and I. We lived together. Grew together. Worshipped together. Went through fruitful ministry together. And also the mundane together. It wasn’t a trip. It was life. Just in another place in the world. (Please ask me specific questions about the race like “what did the lord show u here” or like “fave thing?” Ya know?)
I thank the father so much that I got to serve him in this way for the past six and a half months. And for this new family he gave me. For the stories I got to live and that I’ll get to tell when I get home. Wow. It’s been crazy. And I wouldn’t change a single thing about my race. The father had his hand on each and every one of us. And I’m seeing it all now. It’s been so good. Thank you father.
And thank you so so so much too all fo my supporters. I love you all and I’m so thankful for all you have done for me! And I’m so sorry you guys couldn’t see the whole nine months come to finish. But thank you so much for trusting the lord! Thank you all so stinking much!
Thank you father.
Thank you all for reading. Love you all <3
Sincerely,
Anna
