We met a wonderful lady who owned a coffee and lunch place in Thailand. Her cafe isn’t anything fancy, it isn’t even inside, but it is cute and it is the best food around. Which is saying something because almost all the food in Thailand is super good. This woman is full of life. She was always smiling and ready serve customers. We walked by her cafe twice everyday and we came back for lunch. Every time she saw us she would wave and grin.
One day, my teammate and I went on our off day to get some delicious banana smoothies and actually talk to her for a while. She told us how she had started her shop and many stories, and she invited us to come have free food on her birthday. She was throwing a big party on her birthday which happened to be on Halloween. Excited, my teammate asked what she liked to do on her birthday and if she would have cake. Our friend said she didn’t know if she would have cake, but that every year on her birthday she made food and shared it with everyone. As we left, my teammate suggested we get her a cake and bring it to her on her birthday. My teammate brought her idea to the team, and we decided to actually bake a cake because one of my teammates is a great baker. So, we got together at our ministry host’s house and baked together the night before Halloween.
On the day of her birthday we went to her cafe and brought her the cake. She was ecstatic and quickly brought the cake to her friends to divide it among the people there. There was an insane amount of people at her little cafe, and she was busy running around serving all of them. The way she chose to celebrate her birthday was by serving everyone else. The cake was passed around and she almost didn’t even get a peice. I noticed she wasn’t even saved a peice, so I gave her mine. The way our friend served others and took so much joy in it was incredible. By serving, she was leading. She was leading by example and it was beautiful. It was her birthday and she used it to bring joy to countless people. She is one among many people on the race who have shown me what true leadership looks like.
I used to think leadership was about how loud you could be and how assertive you were. So I made sure to assert myself. I was never quiet about my opinions or ideas. I took it upon myself to find the solutions and direct those around me. If there was a project that needed doing, I would step up and assign roles. I wanted to be the leader so bad, but what I became was bossy and controlling, not a leader.
As I realized I was only being bossy and controlling, I tried to change, and I became the opposite. I became quick to listen and slow to speak. Yet, I was too quiet. It was like I didn’t know how to express my opinions at all. I struggled to address conflict and start conversations. I became known as reserved and shy. I became anxious and insecure about what I had to say. I let other’s voices and ideas define my own. I was not a leader, I was simply too afraid to speak up.
A question I’ve had to face recently is have I grown in leadership. Also, have I grown in speaking up? How have I grown? To be honest this has been the hardest question to answer. I know I have grown, but it doesn’t always feel like it. I’ve been on a pendulum swinging back and forth. Just when I think I’m done with the same old insecurities, they come rushing back. I’ve been struggling. I’ve been listening to lies. Then I realized I was asking the wrong question. Before I can see how I’ve grown in leadership, I think the question I need to answer first is what is a leader?
Christ defines the perfect leader. He was humble, serving his deciples and everyone who came to him. He washed the deciples feet, dined with tax collectors, and healed lepers. He was also loving, he went to the cross out of love, and spoke with love even for the people who crucified him. He was unafraid to speak the truth, even when that gained him many enemies. He proclaimed the Sabbath was still a day for doing good when he was criticized healing on the Sabbeth. He was not concerned with what others thought of him. He told the Pharisees he had the power and authority to forgive sins and they called him a blasphemer. He was assertive in the things he cared about. He flipped over the money changers tables and he asked his followers to leave everything and follow him. After thinking about it I realized these are the traits I think make a good leader.
I have found that leadership has little to do with how loud or quiet you are, and it has nothing to do with how much control you have. Leadership is about the heart. True leadership is serving others. You can serve others by being loud or quiet, but the intention is love. This is how our friend in Thailand led, and how Jesus led. I still struggle finding the balance between quiet and loud, but now I know that a leader is defined in the heart.
Through this class, I’ve learned more about this. I’ve learned how to be a leader and follow in the example of Christ. I’ve gotten to apply these examples of leadership to my life. The last couple of weeks have been really hard for me. I have been really frustrated and upset about circumstances my squad has had to walk through. In these circumstances, however, I have gotten to apply what I’ve learned about leadership. I have gotten to simply serve those around me despite my frustration. I’ve been able to be there for others and listen to their perspectives while still voicing my own. I’ve been able to lead in the things I value. I value freedom, authenticity, loyalty, curiosity, and love and I get to lead by example because I pursue those things in my life. There have been times recently where I’ve wanted to just be angry, but instead I sought others perspectives. In that, I have gotten to be authentic and loyal. This trying time has been a chance to grow in the things I want to grow in and achieve my goals. We are walking through a valley, and that has made it easy to fall into the victim circle, but I get to choose my perspective. I can be angry and lash out at people, or I can choose to keep loving and fighting for those around me even when it’s hard. It’s sucked at times, but I know true leadership is not about controlling the situation, it’s about serving others, loving others, following your convictions, and standing up for what is right.
Thanks to people like our friend in Thailand I have seen true leadership lived out before my eyes. Thanks to what I have been learning, I now get to walk in these characteristics as well. Going forward, when I’m frustrated and down, I’m going to seek perspective. Instead of snapping, I am going stop and ask God what he is saying. Furthermore, when I feel convicted, I am going to speak up. I’m not a perfect leader by any means, but at least now I know what aiming for. I’m aiming to lead out of love not control.
