So I am going to start this blog out by stating the obvious about myself for those of you who may not be all that observant or who just don’t know me that well. I am a very practical person……..shocker, right? Well more than ever my practicality has become more and more apparent and obvious to myself (as well as to my team mate Emily who was far from shocked when I talked to her about this the other day).
Well it is the truth. I am a black and white, play by the rules, it is what it is, justice seeking type of person. (that was just a little info into who I am, it may help you in understanding the rest of this blog.)
Well anyway as I thought about this I began to think about the different ministries we have been a part of as well as those that may be a part of the future. As well as how my practicality has really been affecting my attitude towards ministry. While in Panama especially I really struggled with evangelizing, more specifically door-to-door. Not because of the fact that it is draining physically, emotionally and spiritually or the fact that it is like five steps outside of my comfort zone. I mean this whole year is about me being out of my comfort zone, thats not anything out of the ordinary. I have been thinking more about the fact that to me door-to-door does not seem practical. I am unable to “see” the fruits of this type of ministry, the practical side of me wants to be able to see that what I am doing is helping others and not wasting any of the time the Lord has entrusted to me. As we were in the villages this past week I most loved just sitting down with the women and helping them in their daily tasks. My heart really desires to sit alongside people and share in their every day responsibilities. I was raised to be a hard worker. I love to be put to work and be a servant to those around me. It is in this service and through these actions that I want people to see God’s love and His heart through me. Through these practical acts of service I am able to share the Good News.
(teaching English with the children)
(Em dyeing peoples hair)
(clipping fingernails)
I was reading The Ragamuffin Gospel and something Brennan manning said really stuck out to me….”The ministry of evangelization is an extraordinary opportunity of showing gratitude to Jesus by passing on His gospel of grace to others. And not only to say it but to really think it and relate it to the man and woman so they can sense it. This is what it means to announce the Good News. But that becomes possible only by offering the person your friendship. A friendship that is real, unselfish, without condescension, full of confidence and profound esteem.”
“Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” Matthew 20:28 That is what my heart desires, not to be served but to serve others. I want to possess a servants heart in all that I do.
I was also listening to a sermon this morning and in it the pastor was talking about Jesus and his attitude of leaving heaven as he came to earth…..”I will be a servant not a master. I will serve rather than be served. I am willing to let go of the rights and privileges I have here.” That was not an easy thing for him to say, to give up everything and become a baby, to live his life knowing that his days would end by giving up his life and dieing on the cross for our sins.
I know that was a lot and I don’t know if it all made sense to you, I hope it did some what. On this Race the Lord has been teaching me so much. Its hard to put it all into words sometimes. At times I feel that I should be more engaged in evangelizing and that it should come easier to me. I mean I am here to spread God’s love, why do I struggle so much with it sometimes? I guess the biggest thing that I am learning is that it is not all about practicality. At least not at this moment and time in my life. But then I know that the Lord made me the way I am for a reason. My practicality will be used sometime, my desire to meet the basic needs of people is for a reason. The Lord has also been revealing answers to that as well………but thats the topic for my next blog.
(Em and I with the water buffalo)
