Abundant life has been a theme for this debrief. We are in month 7- many of us are tired. We just said goodbye to two members of our Z-squad family who are returning home. We are for each other and we’re growing and changing and walking more fully in who
God created us to be.
So it’s fitting that the theme of this debrief is abundant life. I think we oversimplify that sometimes. We get lost in the Christianese of it all. Christ says, “If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved and will come in and go out and find pasture. A thief comes only to steal and to kill and to destroy. I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance.” (John 10:10)
I was baptized when I was still fairly young. I grew up in a wonderful family, with amazing parents who took me to a good church where I have always been loved and supported. I chose salvation but I never fully understood living in abundant life. I didn’t get the concept of a God who saw me as important enough to have a personal, intervening, deep relationship with. I may have understood it intellectually but I was scared to believe and embrace it fully.
What if I take the risk of asking for things and He says no? What if I’m just not built to hear God on a personal level? The what ifs and my fears kept me from living life abundantly.
The fact that the fear wins is crazy because I’ve been blessed to see God in some awesome ways. I’ve heard God break through all of my logic and tell me specific things I could not have thought alone. I saw Him heal a man in Uganda. I’ve watched Him put me in communities, in jobs, in places and churches that gave me exactly what I needed to grow at that stage. I have plenty of proof that God loves us.
Still I get caught up in the darkness. The world is a dark place. There are humans that do awful things to one another. Innocent people face things that I wish I could keep them from. Children are neglected and abused.
For me it’s been easier to believe in a God who doesn’t intervene than one who can but sometimes does not. The reality of a God who is both loving and able to intervene is hard. It’s a concept that I may never fully understand but it is no longer something that will keep me in fear or keep me from saying yes to living fully in Christ.
Today I got baptized again. On this Easter Sunday in the Andaman Sea of the shore of Thailand I choose to declare that I am ready to speak my fear and acknowledge the lies I’ve believed about what my religion is, in order to fully accept that abundant life. I’m going to choose in again and again because that’s what abundant life takes. It’s not the rare moments of saying yes to God, but rather the constant acceptance or saying yes to that voice that is His, even when it feels crazy or scary or risky.
Being “saved” is only a small part of what God wants for us. This year He has shown me that again and again. He wants me to be free and He wants me to walk in everything He created me to be. I believe it saddens Him to see the lies that block me from that freedom and from walking fully in Him.
So today I’m choosing freedom, like I’ve tried to before and like I’m sure that I’ll have to do again. I want to die to my need to control things. I want to throw away the box I’m tempted to stick God in. I want to be who He created me without fearing that I will fail or it’s not actually who I am.
It’s not that I’ve got it completely wrong until now but I’m abandoning fear in favor of life. God won’t answer the big prayers we never pray; or if He does answer them without our petition then we won’t get to see the proof or be part of the process. I don’t want to miss the process. I want to be deeply personal with God and be a vessel for the seemingly crazy “heal the blind” kind of moments.
Will you pray with me that these next four months will shake every inch of my God box and that we’ll see God work in powerful ways that answer some crazy big prayers?
Sunrise service:
Baptisms:
Thanks to Hannah and Shannon for the last two pictures.
