My name is Gomer. I run constantly from a man who loves me fiercely. And every single time He comes running after me. He brings, compassion, mercy, and love beyond understanding. This is one of those stories:
Since Training Camp I’ve become somewhat complacent. I liked to call it busy. I was about to leave on a worldwide mission trip, I had the right to be busy. There was so much to do. Packing, cleaning, moving, visiting with people, fundraising. I became complacent with my relationship with God. This happens often too often with me and without fails creates a void. I was still excited about the Race, but the reason why I was doing it was becoming ever more distant. Times like this always come crashing to a halt and usually end up with me on my knees crying out for help. This happened once again two days ago. As I became more distant, I became more fearful. Two days ago I laid down to go to bed just like any other night. But, unlike the other nights tears started rolling down my face. The tears turned to sobbing. I realized at this point I only had 18 days until I left for the Race, and I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to go. I was terrified.
The night ended with me on my knees crying out for God. I was close to having a panic attack, and began repeating “peace and presence, I need your peace and presence.” When you ask, He gives. I was overcome with peace. I was once again wrapped with love and compassion. When I was running (complacency is running, there is no standstill), He was right there behind me.
There has been restoration to our relationship again. And again I wonder, why would I ever want leave the presence of God? He provides me with everything I could ever need, and still I go running back to my flesh. Just like Gomer did time and time again.
There is still packing, cleaning, visiting, and fundraising to be done. There will always be things to do. Don’t forget your first love. His presence is always better than checking things off of your to-do list.
_____________________________________________
I want this blog to be a place where the good, the bad, and the ugly is shared. I don’t want to put on a facade about how great the mission field is and how awesome life is. Because sometimes — many times — God works through brokenness. Every time I find myself on my knees, I get up stronger than ever. I cannot withhold my heart. I will share the ugliness in hopes that it will touch someone else. This blog is an intimate look at my ugliness. Thank you for reading.
