my mom, my sister, and I drove all night last night and into this morning from our house in Idaho to my grandparents' in Hacienda Heights(California.) it was everything you'd expect such an undertaking to be-stressful, tiring, and kind of scary. as of 9 o clock this morning, I had been awake for 26 and a half hours(barring 2 half hour 'naps' taken during that time period).
We were about 20 minutes away from my grandparents house when we stopped at a gas station to use the facilities. as mom and I walked into the station, I noticed a man sitting on the ground outside. the thought that immediately entered my mind? "you should talk to him. tell him Jesus loves him." the second thought: "…how?"
oh, me of little faith. always complicating things. I have never been so bold as to walk up to a complete stranger and tell them that Jesus loves them. I don't know what was different about this morning. maybe it was boldness caused by sleep deprivation. I must confess, even my "boldness" wasn't very bold. I insisted to God that I would not do it while my mom was watching. fortunately, she didn't wait for me to be done in the bathroom before heading back to the car. I was alone. I purchased a water bottle and headed back outside, where the man was still sitting with a cigarette and a lottery ticket in his hand. I knelt down beside him. "Hello! what's your name?"
He looked at me with a sort of dazed amusement. "Tohn."(like 'John', only with a 'T')
"Tohn? I'm Anna." He nodded. I handed him the water bottle.
"I just wanted to see if there was anything I can do for you."
immediately, he replied, "I need money."
and here is where I wish I could have done it differently. I wish I had asked him about his job, his life, where he was from, why he was sitting in front of a gas station on the ground with a lottery ticket. I wish I had asked to pray with him. instead, I reached into my wallet and pulled out 5 dollars. placing it in his hand, I said, "Tohn, I want you to know that Jesus loves you. okay?" He nodded.
then I got up and went back to my car.
Jesus has been a lot nicer to me than I have about this. I keep thinking, "How will Tohn ever really know that Jesus loves him if all I gave him was five dollars? I shouldn't have left so quickly. I should have prayed for him. how many people say 'Jesus loves you' to others? it happens all the time. what if that didn't even mean anything?" He answered every doubt with encouragement. "that was your first time doing something like that. you stepped out. I'm proud of you. you'll have other chances. keep praying for him."
I don't do stuff like this. well…I didn't do stuff like this. I can only pray that Jesus will draw Tohn to him through others, that someone else will plant a seed where I attempted to. as for myself, I can pray that He'll increase my boldness and love for others and that that was just the first of many encounters that He might use me to show them His love. whether it's five dollars or my very life laid down, I want to give it for them.
for Him.
-Anna
