I have been organizing a spaghetti dinner for the past two months. countless hours of planning, phone calls, driving, shopping, and praying have gone into it. yesterday was the big day. I showed up at the church at 10 in the morning and (along with a few friends) worked tirelessly through the day making sure everything was perfect.
as the clock drew closer to 6:30, I gazed around the room at the twinkling lights, the beautifully decorated tables, and thought, "this is it." I was trusting God for a miracle and awaiting it with great expectations.
between 6:30 and 6:45, a few friends trickled in.
6:50. nothing.
7:00.
7:10.
7:20.
with enough food, drinks, and tableware for 94 people…our total head count at the end of the night was 13.
it was sheer grace that kept me from collapsing into a distraught pile on the floor.
this was beyond discouraging-this was heartbreaking. this was all of my heart and soul and aspirations poured out for something that went largely unappreciated. it was a disaster. and yet…none of this registered with me.
the few friends that did show up had a marvelous time. I got to sit at a table with my date and my friends and talk and laugh and eat delicious food.
I realized that for the past couple of months, as I've been seeking God's face and asking for His favor over this event, He gave me something better.
He gave me His peace. the kind that surpasses understanding. He gave me words of encouragement that pulled me through what would have otherwise destroyed me.
the verse that has meant the most to me in this has been Isaiah 46:10. you might know it. it begins with, "Be still, and know that I am God…" but it's not that part that sticks out to me. my favorite part of this verse is the second half(which usually goes unnoticed.)
"I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
it tells me, "Anna, I love that you want to glorify Me. I love that you want to proclaim My goodness to the nations. but no matter what you do…no matter what happens…no matter where you fail…I WILL BE EXALTED."
even now, as the adrenaline from yesterday wears off and I feel the pull into despondency, dejection, depression…as I read texts and messages from well-meaning friends who are belittling my pain and shutting me down…as I throw away the tickets that weren't sold and look around my room filled with boxes of glasses and tablecloths that weren't used…I think on His goodness.
I see the friends who donated food.
I see the businesses who donated items to our auction.
I see the people who donated gift baskets and blankets and baked goods to auction.
I see the volunteers who helped behind the scenes in the kitchen-who came early, stayed late, and worked hard.
I see the friends who sold tickets and showed up to support me.
I see the handful of people who generously attempted to make sure everything was bid on at least once.
I see the church that I don't attend allowing me to use their tables and their dishes and their room for my event.
I see other churches that I don't attend putting up flyers and putting my event in their bulletin.
I see my family who came to the church at 10 AM with me and didn't leave until everything was ready, who played piano and acoustic guitar when our entertainment fell through at the last minute
I see the man who showed up time and time again to advertise, to encourage, to enlist help, to bless and pray over my trip.
I see the woman who, despite her own problems and crazy life, came alongside me and planned this whole mess with me, who stayed here the week I was gone and put together gift baskets, who went shopping for all the food, who prayed with me and planned with me and put as much heart into it as I did.
I see His grace, His love, His provision.
and though I am farther from my deadline now than I was when I began…I am closer to His heart than I've ever been.
my prayer is that of David's in his thirteenth Psalm.
"But I trust in Your UNFAILING LOVE;
my heart rejoices in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
for He has been GOOD to me."
Amen.
