Words can be really hard for me. I’m an observer. I naturally tend to watch people and places. Not in a creepy way but in an “I want to authentically know the real side of things” way. Coming home I’ve watched a lot, analyzed and fretted. “How am I going to continue the lifestyle I learned on the Race here at home? How can I thank people for what they have done? The support they’ve given me financially and through their words and prayers?”
I don’t know where to begin so here we go. First off, thank you. Thank you for the countless prayers you have said that I have felt from across the globe. Thank you for your financial support that made all this possible. Thank you for words of encouragement and messages that have helped me when the road was difficult and I didn’t want to continue. Everything you’ve done has mattered. No gesture or kind word was ever too small. It all made a difference.
How do I even begin to tell you about my trip? Pictures are worth a thousand words and I have over a thousand pictures. You don’t want to read all that I could tell you. Talk about information overload. A completely normal question about my trip is “how was it” and “what was your favorite country?” I want to tell you all those details so you can begin to picture what I did, how I lived, and the countless incredible people I crossed paths with. But deep down I really want to tell you of the work God did in my heart. How I tasted and saw that the Lord is good. How the Holy Spirit awakened my soul and set me on a life-long journey. The ways my Father broke down lies I told myself and revealed truth to my heart. He revealed parts of his nature. He is faithful. He is true. He is good. He is steadfast in love.
He has shown me that it’s alright to not be okay. The work He began in my heart will stretch out for many years. I may not completely understand what just happened and that’s fine. There’s contentment in the realization that each day has enough for us to handle. Enough joy, sorrow, hardship, and celebration.
In some ways I think I’ve been shown a new way to live life. It includes simplicity, honesty, and stepping out into hard things. It’s not necessarily understanding why I’m doing something but doing it because I can hear the voice of God ushering me to it. It’s full of joy. Of choosing joy despite uncertainty, rejection, and whatever else comes along. I can truly have joy everyday because it’s the day that my Father has made for me to live. I want to fully embrace the life that Christ is offering me.
Only by dependence on Christ, listening to Him, hearing his voice, and obeying it can I experience all that life holds.
In some ways I think we’ve settled for less than Christ desires for us. Do we truly believe there is freedom in the name of Jesus? I believe that Christ desires for us to live without fear, in confidence and boldness, loving others before ourselves, and laying down our daily wants and desires for the sake of Christ.
Christ wants disciples who are willing to daily pick up their cross. People who don’t see Christianity as a drudgery or to-do list to get into heaven, but for the joy set before them they love to follow Christ.
Don’t get me wrong, it is hard.
Words can make something sound idealistic and beautiful but the life Christ calls us to is not easy. It’s will always be difficult here one earth.
However, our Father in heaven is beside us the entire way and He is bringing us into more freedom, joy, and peace than we imagine is possible. We can live in victory without shame or guilt.
In many ways this year was the most difficult of my entire life. I have never cried so hard or hurt so much.
I’m talking keeled over, chest shaking sobs that were uncontrollable. I scared myself with how much I could feel. I was on territory that wasn’t safe or comfortable. I had no idea how to go on and the only way forward looked like it held a lot more pain.
But pain isn’t the end. His love is the end result for those who choose to passionately follow Him.
So going forward I want to choose the option that causes my heart to tremble. Because doing things in my own strength typically results in something ordinary, but stepping out beyond my ability allows my Dad to come and help. Through people, words, or miracles he chooses to use my situation to bring him glory. It’s incredible.
I’m done with stepping back because I’m scared. I’m done with the idea that I can be independent -I’m created to live in daily dependence on Christ. I’m done with the idea that I’m supposed to strive for a comfortable life. That isn’t the picture the Bible paints for us and I want to pursue what the word of God promises.
The past year of my life has given me the glimpse of the “more” that’s out there. Stepping out and saying “yes” to Christ is a risky business when it comes to personal comfort. However, experiencing the love and joy of the Father in those moments of brokenness and growth is incredible. I choose Jesus and everything that entails because He is worthy.
