One of my prayers as I look forward to leaving on the Race is that God will prepare me not just financially and physically, but also emotionally and spiritually. I want to be able to weather the moments of homesickness that will inevitably come.
God is answering my prayer! He has been speaking to my heart in deep ways. Last month, the Holy Spirit spoke to my soul and encouraged me in areas I didn’t know I needed it. He told me I have worth. I am worth speaking to, loving, caring for, and hanging out with. My worth is not in my ability to play sports, sing, be witty, entertain a crowd, or even follow Jesus.
With my hardest effort, I could not make myself into someone “worthwhile.” I am a sinner and fail often at life. I cut others down with my words, judge appearances, and put my wants before others. Seeing the crud of sin in my life, it was sometimes difficult to have confidence in who Christ created me to be since I was so far from the “ideal Christian.”
Last month, God clicked the puzzle pieces into place. I was riding home from a coffee meeting when a whisper pervaded my thoughts, “You are so loved by God, he thinks you’re worth dying for.” I had heard those words at church in the past and believed them in my head but now they settled into my soul. As I continued to think about it, a deep conviction came to me that I am redeemed, bought with a price for the purpose of glorifying and delighting in my Lord. I don’t completely understand it, but it was a work deep inside my heart.
When have those moments come for you, when head knowledge makes its way to your heart?
“that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:16-19
