To
say, “Thy will be done” is one of the most dangerous statements a
person can make. How quick we are to say it blindly. When the cup is
near, or even, overflowing, I wonder how quick we are to falter, to
retract that same statement we uttered when our hearts were beating
with the fire of fresh revelation, and the butterflies in our
stomachs were fluttering with first love.
have any idea, any true thought, to what we were getting into?
dream of those days when God seems silent? When we feel alone?
When
we are broken beyond what we think we can bear?
Did we ever let our
minds wander to the possibility that such a bold statement flips our
lives upside down and demands bold living?
What
to compare it to… perhaps it can be compared to marriage vows. At
the marriage ceremony, lives are turned upside down, never the same
after the vows. “Do you take your love til death do you part, in
sickness and in health, in richness and in poverty, in happiness and
in strife, in good times and in bad… do you take your love now, and
forever to be faithful to, to love and cherish forever…? This
question is quickly answered with an “I DO.” Two words, two
simple words, declared simply by two people with hearts beating, and
butterflies fluttering.
“I
DO.” Another bold statement uttered blindly too often.
When
the sickness comes, or the poverty, or the strife, or the bad…. are
those two words enough to stand on? Does that simple declaration have
enough in it to hold those two together? With over 50% of marriages
ending in divorce these days, I think the answer is obvious.
“It’s
different with God,” you say, “because God is GOOD. He isn’t
selfish like we are, and He holds to his promise of faithfulness.
“Yes.” I concede, but, it is because of His goodness and his
faithfulness that the statement “thy will be done” is so
terrifying, much more terrifying.
Lewis explains it much better than I can:
hurts only to heal, the less we can believe that there is any use in
begging for tenderness. A cruel man might be bribed- might grow tired
of His sport- might have a temporary fit of mercy, as alcoholics have
fits of sobriety. But suppose that you are up against a surgeon whose
intentions are wholly good. The kinder He is, the more inexorably he
will go on cutting. If he yielded to your entreaties, if he stopped
before the operation were complete, all the pain up to that point
would have been useless… what do people mean when they say, “I am
not afraid of God, because I know He is good? Have they never been to
a dentist?”
God is
faithful to His promises, and to His goodness. He is committed to the
process of me becoming more like Him, and walking in wholeness:
spiritual, physical and emotional. I will become more like Him, no
matter how much it hurts, no matter how many times I cry our because
it’s too much, or I lash out at Him because I don’t understand.
In
spite of all of the pain and confusion, disillusionment and anger, I
can’t bring myself to regret that time when I promised Him, “Thy
will be done in my life.” Why? What is it about Him that draws me
so?
I
wrote in my journal the other day…
“
18. December. 2009.
I
lash out; I cry out; I stamp my foot; I wail: I wait… I wait…. I
sigh. I come back, because I know that you alone are worth living
for.
What
is it about you that draws me so?
I
go for days, weeks sometimes, without feeling you, hearing you,
longer without seeing you, and yet,
you
have captured my heart.
Try
as I may to disengage, to pursue other lovers, I always come back to
you, and you are always there, even though you don’t always give me
the answers I want. You alone have all that I need. Where else would
I go? What will I find apart from you?
It
seems that when I run to the depths of depravity and of selfishness,
I only discover new sides of your mercy.
It
seems that when I am entrenched in pain and self-pity, I only find
new shades of your patience.
It
seems when I am lost in confusion and doubt,
I
only find new sides of your wisdom.
It
seems when I am lost in my anger and I say things to you that should regret, I only discover new sides of your love.
Where
can I go to escape from you? My life, my very being, is tangled up in
yours.”
His
will. Not mine. It’s a scary ride, but I would never go choose a life
that isn’t tangled up in His. Because I know
He is good, and I know that He loves me, and that’s the only thing
worth living for.
