…I love you more. (pt.2)

Me:                                                               What
I think God is saying to me:

“Okay.
I’ll start, I guess. I’m probably still upset at you,

because
of this whole vertigo thing.

I
mean, I call you answer… except you didn’t answer…

you’re
unpredictable, you know.”

“How
long are you going to hide behind this vertigo thing?”

“Oh…
I don’t know God.

How
long are you going to let me wrestle with this whole vertigo thing?

You
shouldn’t love me, God. I’m such a brat to you.

Seriously.
You shouldn’t put up with all of my crap.”

…Except
I don’t say crap.

“Anna,
stop trying to push me away with your foul mouth.”

“I…
um… okay…fine… I’m sorry… I’m sorry. I’m ready to listen.

I
love you. What’s wrong with me?”

And
then, an image popped into my mind: “The
Purple Dinosaur”

Before
I go on, let me explain a little bit.

———–

There’s
this show that a few people on my squad watch. For fear of promoting
the show, I’m not going to say it’s name. We’ll call it, “The
way I encountered my wife.” For those that know the show, I
say, “High..wait for it…
five!” For those who don’t, good for you.

On
this show, there is a character, we’ll call him, “The
Purple Dinosaur”,
that I find to be completely deplorable. He is a man whose sole
purpose in life is to have meaningless one night stands, making up
lines and personalities to woo girls into liking him and trusting
him, and then he
leaves. I hate men like him, fictional or real. As the show
continues, The
Purple Dinosaurhappens to fall in love
with his good friend, ‘tweety.’ The
Purple Dinosaurdrops several hints
throughout the show about his unhappiness and how meaningless he
finds his life to be, but he does not change. A mutual friend talks
to him about pursuing actual love with ‘tweety’. He tries, but he
fails. His friend tells him to try again, asking him, “Are
you really content with Bimbos for the rest of your life?”

He
tells his friends something like, “Bimbos are predictable. Tweety
makes me happy, but with her… I don’t know what will happen with
her. Bimbos make me happy enough, and…. I’m giving up.” He is
afraid of what could be, so he gives up.

———–

At
first, I was wondering why ‘The Purple
Dinosaur’ popped into my mind.

“Ug.
Distractions. Why am I always so distracted?

I’m
sorry God. Filling my mind with junk again. ”

“No.
Anna. Think. The Purple Dinosaur. “

“Get
back to me on that, Anna. I love you.”

“okay…
God.. sometimes… you are so… weird.” I
smile.

“I
love you more.”

“I
love you most.”

Sometimes,
I wonder if I just make up my conversations with God in my head. I
asked him once, “What if this isn’t you?” He told me, “What if
it is?” And that shut me up.