Yesterday,
we prayer-walked a Buddhist/Hindu temple and ‘Big Buddha’- the
largest statute of Buddha in Thailand. I climbed to the roof of the
first temple and watched the people down below. Men,
Women, Children, tourist, thai- so many different people searching
for something greater than themselves, and a meaning to their existence.
And I
said, “this isn’t fair.”
smiled apologetically and he walked away, leaving me to my thoughts. It
isn’t fair for so many reasons. Why does the enemy- the devil, satan,
the bad guy- whatver you want to call it- why does he get to blind
these people, keep them in bondage, and then, when they die, he gets
them in hell?
sorry God. I know I probably shouldn’t question your goodness.”
And I
heard him say…
“anna.
I know you. I know your heart and I know you love me. It”s okay to
process with me.”
And I
was like… “God… you are so…. secure in your identity.”
He
is the most secure being I have ever met. And will ever meet. He
knows He is good, and He knows His decisions are perfect.
Not
only is he secure in His idenity, but He is secure in my love for
Him. Time and time again, I hear Him say to me, “You will always
come back to me, because no one loves you like I do.” “You are
mine forever.” ” You’re addicted to me.” “You need my love like you
need air” Time and time again He reminds me of His love for me, but
also of my love for Him.
This
used to confuse me… maybe it still does… but I’m realizing that I
think He does this for me. For my identity. For our relationship. I don’t feel
the need to perform. I can just be me. And we can talk about how I’m
really feeling, and how I’m really doing, because it won’t change our
love.
And
yes, I know I can love God better. I’m a brat. I’m the harlot from
Hosea personified sometimes. But He is the redeemer from Hosea all
the time.And that’s a whole new blog.
This blog is about a new level of freedom.
I
told the girls on my team about this later, and I was like… “I
will never find a man like that on this earth.”
Which,
I mean, makes sense and all, but it’s all the more reason to
find my identity in God, because He’s so secure in His.
And why wouldn’t He be?
He is perfection. And yet He gets more perfect the more I get to know Him. I can sit for hours finding new ways to be awed each minute.
