WHEW! Well that was a nice little freak-out. You know, last week a few of my squad mates and I were talking about where in our lives we could see the evil one attacking as we continue to prepare and get ready to depart on this amazing journey. Add the financial deadlines that need to be met to our attempts to pack up our lives as we know them onto our backs, and you have a pretty good recipe for ajadfs;jk;fjak;ldsf <– this my friends, is how you type a freak-out! We spent time sharing about the places we felt stressed read: needed more faith. Well, tonight that lack of faith certainly reared its ugly head.
The idea of living on bare essentials, sharing everything else needed with my family (iSquad), while serving my Father in heaven is one I have dreamed of for a very long time. My heart is so excited by this next step in my walk with the Lord- it truly feels like coming home. I just know it’s right. Yet, with all that seems to be piling up (both literally and figuratively!) from gear in my room, all the items collected for an upcoming yard sale fundraiser, to all the to-do lists that still need checks next to more than half of the tasks, tonight my emotions began to rise towards that upper limit of … “yep, I am about to burst into tears, and not for any one reason.” Oh and did I mention I leave for training camp Friday?! (i.e. gotta have my life at least moderately close to ready by then!)
I could feel it coming today while at REI picking up some many necessities before Friday. I need to get this, and this, and this, oh yeah that too! But wait- the packing list I read said don’t bring that. Or that. Crap put that back too. And so continued my REI journey until, of course, I walked out with exactly the things I needed. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself until I get to TC and realize what I missed/don’t need. Came home with my arms full of gear, thinking, “And I am supposed to fit all of this PLUS clothes and other every-day items in that pack??” Fast forward to this evening wading through a garage fullllllll of items for the upcoming yard sale. (Shout out- mark your calendars July 26th. Just write 7am. Epic happenings). Seriously though, I am so very grateful to my friends, family, and everyone in between for donating Many. Many. So. Many. items to help me raise money- it’s just a LOT to go through and organize, even with the help of my ever giving parents. [My mother has spent quite a lot of time going through items and talking me through pricing, and my dad and I spent nearly 3 hours transporting the contents of an entire basement/attic that someone had donated towards my sale. I’m convinced my parents are saints.] Then, logically, I got to thinking- what if this doesn’t raise enough money? What if it totally fails? What if I fail? What am I going to do if I get to TC and completely flop because I have ALL THE WRONG STUFF. Cue minor l;akjdf;oaiuhgh!
After working on yard sale stuff for a while, I left my parent’s house feeling like someone was sitting on my chest. Someone…? I think we all know who plants these fears, doubts, and anxieties. So when I came home, I turned on our TC playlist and checked out the iSquad Facebook page- because that is a sure fire way to make me smile. This led me to checking out lots of other blogs and sites. I even found some really good tips about how to host a successful yard sale (thank you Ashley!) Mostly, I browsed through a few more packing blogs… because that’s what any sane person would do- obsess over it some more 😉 But I really did go into it this time thinking, “OK, let me just see if I have the basics of most lists.” Although I did find that, indeed, it is highly likely I will survive the week at TC, more importantly I read about how the “stuff” really doesn’t even matter. DOESN’T EVEN MATTER. Surprise! The One who molded my heart, knew exactly what I needed to hear.
“Even with all these suggestions, packing as least as possible will really make your Race. You won’t be focused on all of the little things and will look to the culture and community around you to meet your basic needs. Think about it; each people group you are going to gets by somehow. So don’t try and pack all of Target into your bag. You will find that the less you take, the less you think of yourself and “your needs”. You will be better able to embrace the culture and where you are.” -read Amanda’s full packing post here.
What a beautiful reminder of peeling away all the s t u f f and remembering what this is about. It was never about me and my stuff anyways.
Confession: I am not a list maker. I am not a researcher/investigator. I do not shop around for the best deal. I am not an outdoor expert. I am a terrible WR prepper. I am redeemed. I am saved by His overflowing, free grace and mercy. I am surrounded by the Spirit of God present in so many of my supporters. I am faithful to the Savior who is leading me to love- even in the face of a minor lka;hgouahf!
