For the first week and a half, Fernando quietly sat to the side as the others would play with us, joke and laugh with us, and interact with everyone on site. He would responsibly do his chores – which included taking out the goats every morning, washing dishes, cleaning the outside kitchen, and various other tasks – and then he would sit back and watch the fun happen.
Fernando is in the orange in the back — this image shows his sheepish, shy personality
Then, one afternoon, he sat down close enough to me while I was playing a game with Luis. We were playing a game we created of “name the color and animal” with little colorful, rubber animals, and I was able to convince Fernando to join in. So, we made it a competition between the boys! I’d put one toy animal in my hand… whomever named the color and the animal right FIRST, won that animal piece. In the end, after we had gone through all 30 pieces, whomever had the most animals in their possession won the game.
The various colors were orange, red, purple, blue, green, and yellow; and the animals included ducks, cows, chickens, horses, pigs, and sheep.
Fernando was actively playing along but you could tell that Luis was light years ahead of him in his English abilities! Fernando would be stuttering and trying to get the words out while the colors and names of the animals just rolled off of Luis’s tongue. I started showing Fernando the animal about 5 seconds before I’d let Luis see it just to give him a chance to win it. The results… he really knows how to say “orange chicken” and “red duck” now. Those were about the only two that he could really get on his own, but he was so proud when he did finally beat Luis and steal one of the animals for himself.
After a few rounds of this game we switched to playing a game with the English alphabet. I had flashcards with letters on them and the boys had to be the first to say the letter in English in order to win the card. Again, the one with the most cards at the end of the game won. I was expecting it to be another game where Luis would trump and win all the cards, forcing me to give Fernando a bit of a handicap and show him early, but the boy was so quick with his letters that even Luis was surprised! I was so impressed and proud of him! It was a moment of pure joy and excitement and he showed it completely! For some reason, these just came very naturally to him while Luis struggled this time to get the correct sound of the letter out of his mouth. This was the first time that I saw a crack in the timid, shy shell that normally housed Fernando’s beautiful personality that I came to know later on.
A day or two later, Allie and I were in the hammock recording a video for our vlog (video blog) collections, and we noticed that Fernando was putting the goats out (as he does every morning). I called him over to sit with us because I thought it would be pretty cool to have one of the boys vlog with us so you all could see them rather than us talking about them. He reluctantly came over, dropping his head and avoiding eye contact… but he came. He spoke so quietly I don’t even think the camera picked up his voice, but nevertheless he spoke and answered the questions I had for him (to the best of his ability). We laughed together then he got up and left. As he was walking off (and after we had turned the camera off), we called out to him and said “peace out!” holding up a peace sign. He looked a little confused and repeated the motion and phrase quietly and then, turning his back to us, yelled “PEACE OUT!” threw up a peace sign and ran off towards the outdoor kitchen. Allie and I both looked at each other and erupted in laughter. Who was that boy?! That wasn’t Fernando…
A few more interactions later, I began to get to know the real Fernando Alfredo Muzime.
At Beacon of Hope I had a morning routine that I normally didn’t stray from. I would get up at 5:30, go for a morning walk / run (depending on the humidity of the morning), come back and shower before most people woke up (Tammy beat me to it every day), and then go spend some time with Jesus in my hammock until breakfast was ready at 8:00am. Every morning I would see Fernando come out around 7:00am and start taking out the goats. He would walk them around the compound and tie them up in different parts of the yard each day. Then, he would go back to his housing building and show back up later on in the day when the boys came out to start their chores and events for the day.
One day, however, I was laying in my hammock reading the book of Matthew on the Bible on my phone, ignoring the world with my music streaming through my headphones, when I looked up and Fernando’s curious face was staring down at me. I laughed at his funny expression, sat up and said hi. I expected him to ask what I was doing and walk away, but he lingered… so I said, “Did you want to sit down?” and he got a huge grin on his face, nodded his head and sat next to me… staring at me with his beautiful smile, most likely waiting for me to make broken, small conversation with him. I asked what he wanted to do today and he just quietly shrugged off an answer. Then, I sat wondering… “What am I going to talk to him about without my Internet translator working out here in the hammock?”
So, I showed him what I was reading. I flipped through a few pages on my digital Bible and said that I was reading the stories in Matthew about how Jesus healed many people traveling from town to town. I will never forget his facial expression as he asked, “ THAT’S a Bible?!” He had never seen a digital Bible before and was surprised at the fact that I had the whole Bible on one screen. So, I told him to run get his Bible and we could read it together.
We sat in the hammock for the next hour listening to my worship music, reading the rest of Matthew 17 and then discussing our favorite parts of the Bible. He claims that his favorite section of the Bible is all of the Old Testament because the stories are easier to understand than Jesus’ parables; but his favorite Bible verse is John 3:l6 because it teaches him the grace of Jesus and how loved he is by a God that would allow His only son to die for the sins of himself and his family! Our conversation in this moment was like none other that we had had before. I had found the topic that made Fernando open up and trust me… talking about his faith and his beloved Jesus.
Nandino (Fernando’s nickname given to him by the other boys) didn’t come hang out every morning during my hammock time, but he did come by a few times.
One morning we were having a hammock chat and I was talking to him about his future. Fernando is a quiet 16-year-old kid who has big dreams, I found out. His dream is to move to America and open a church that he could pastor. I asked him about family and if he would like one in the future… his response broke my heart a little bit.
“I don’t want a wife because if I don’t have one, there’s no one to fight with.”
I realized in this moment that these boys, not just Fernando, have known so much brokenness and confusion within their families that they didn’t know what a real Christ-centered family looked like!
I sat dumbfounded for a minute and responded with “Your view of marriage is corrupt. God doesn’t intend for husbands and wives to fight with each other. If a man and a woman have a Christ-centered relationship and do as God says, putting each other first instead of looking out for one’s own interests, your wife will be your best friend and such a blessing to you AND the ministry that you are hoping to have in the future.” He looked like he was taking it in, then turned to me and asked, “Can we talk about YOUR future now?!” haha. This made me laugh a little… so we changed the topic.
From the first hammock morning, until the day that I left, Fernando was completely different towards me and I loved it. We spent time reading books together, walking around the campground with him and Alito (another one of the boys) saying the name of objects in Portuguese and me repeating the same object in English and Spanish, taking the goats out together in the mornings and putting them back up in the evenings, going to church out in the neighborhood on Sundays, him touring a few of the girls and I around the neighborhood he grew up in (rather close to Beacon of Hope), asking each other questions about life and our futures, playing futbol (soccer) and other sporty games with the other boys, drawing pictures, and SO much more. He was my sidekick and my shadow for the remaining two weeks.
Aside from one day… the 2nd of February.
This particular day, Fernando didn’t come say hi during my hammock time; he didn’t wave at me during breakfast or cut me a smile like he normally would as he was running around doing chores; he didn’t come ask me how I was doing so far that day; he didn’t even respond to me when I would ask him a question… instead, he just looked at me with empty eyes, turned his head and walked away without saying a thing. HEARTBREAK! What in the world was going on? Had I done something? Just the night before he was dancing around the kitchen with YéYé (another one of the boys), Tammy, Allie and I and then this morning… completely ignoring me. Even to the point that if I were in a room, he would turn and leave it.
This didn’t go unnoticed by the other boys, either. They would come to me and point out wherever Fernando was as if I didn’t see him. I guess they were just used to seeing us together and were confused, too, as to what was going on.
Around lunch, I was helping a few of the boys move some of the office supplies from Angie’s house to the Hope House (where the boys and Chico’s family live), and Chiquitinho (pronounced chicky-teen-yo), one of the other boys that lived at Beacon of Hope, came up to me and said, “Don’t take it personally. He’s just upset.”
Earlier that day, I had the boys fill out a questionnaire with bits of information about themselves including their favorite bible verse and why it was their favorite, their future plans, and something they need prayer for. I was sitting alone under a tree, reading over their sweet responses and praying over each boy when I heard quiet footsteps behind me. I pretended not to notice that company was approaching and continued to sit there reading over the papers. All of a sudden Fernando’s dirty little hand was next to mine on the grass and then he laid down on the grass, putting his head on my knee. He looked up at me and I said, “Oh, is this your peace offering?” He laughed and then I asked him what was wrong. His response “I’m angry that you and the others are leaving. I wasn’t expecting to get as close with you all as I did.” He had to look away from me at this point because his eyes started welling up with tears (and I have to admit, so did mine). So I just grabbed his hand and held it, neither of us saying a word. I was proud of him for telling me his true feelings and being vulnerable with me.
A few moments later Bruno (one of the younger boys) and YéYé joined us on the grass and we started joking around with each other, listening to music on my phone, and reading over their questionnaire responses. Small talk and music filled the next 30 minutes, more boys joining in every so often. This was one of my favorite moments and I soaked up every second.
When I first met Fernando, my initial impression was “timid, reserved, quiet, hard shell to break”… and I was completely correct… but there was so much more to him than I ever thought I’d know! He wrote me a letter before I left which I will treasure for the rest of my life.
His words:
Anna Lauren,
Thank you for teaching me English. I had a great time with you all provided by God. I am going to do all I can to become a Pastor, God willing, and do the work He has planned for my life to the best of my abilities.
If, one day, I cannot make it to America and you are unable to return to Mozambique, at least we will be able to find each other again some day in heaven with our Father God.
Fernando
And then added his little prayer at the bottom that he wrote on everything:
“Thank you for providing me one more day of life. Oh Lord, my God, I lack nothing.”
So, the month at Beacon of Hope ended and on the morning at 3:30am, I gave Fernando a final goodbye hug. I held him as we both cried, not knowing for sure if we would ever see each other again. (Angie told me later that the boys have seen 4 groups come and go and this was the first time she had ever seen any of them cry at a group leaving). We all got on the bus and were pulling out of the driveway. Right outside of the gate, I heard a little knock on the window… Yeye, Alito and Fernando had walked out beside the bus to the road. He smiled at me sweetly, waved goodbye and as the bus drove down the road, away from Angie’s, he and the other two ran after it as fast as their little legs could go. Then the tears really did flow…
My prayer the entire month at Mozambique was for God to show me how to love like Jesus loved… He gave me Fernando and allowed this sweet boy, his deep passion for faith and helping others, come into my life and break my heart.
