Initially, I had intended on sitting down and writing a blog to you all about how awesome Mozambique is and what a great time I am having. However, I didn’t want to start sharing the beautiful bliss without the grime and dirt that goes with it.
We arrived safely in South Africa, took a bus to Nelspruit for the night, continued on to the Mozambiquean border the next morning and then arrived to Maputo, Mozambique by 10am on Tuesday, January 12th.
By day 6 on the field, I had already thought about quitting and going home almost every day.
I was facing some personal struggles that I’m still walking through with God; the consistent, inescapable heat and humidity were getting to me; I had been sick twice already by this point; and I was already tired of sleeping in tents in large groups on the floor. Not to mention the discomfort I felt from the rats and mosquitos that flooded the house each night, and the frustration of not being able to communicate easily with the people on site. At home, I’m used to being clean all the time, for the most part, and having my own bedroom so I can have me time and space to myself, sleeping in my bed, and not having to hand wash clothes every other day. I’m used to mission trips to Spanish-speaking areas and being to express myself freely. Beginning here in Mozambique wasn’t easy for me.
I wasn’t being me and even I could tell! I was closing myself off from this awesome experience because I was uncomfortable. Normally upon arriving on mission sites, I’m so bubbly and immediately I connect with everyone there, playing around with the kids and chatting with the adults. However, once we got to Beacon of Hope in Matola, Maputo, Mozambique, I noticed that I was holding myself back from being my vivacious, energetic and happy self that I am normally. While others would go and play with the kids after our classroom hours with them, I would watch from the side instead of joining in. Mom would probably be proud of how reserved I was, saying that I needed some of that in my life… but it felt weird. It wasn’t me!
This is when the hammock went up! I needed some me time… some me space… and I needed to have a chat with God about why He brought me here! Why was I feeling so uncomfortable in a place that I knew He sent me to? So I began to get up early, start working out and then I’d go spend some time with God and His word in my hammock until 7:30am or 8:00am when daily chores started.
I began reading about Jonah (and the whale) one morning and I kind of chuckled to myself… why did God bring this passage to me? I’ve known this story for my entire life – what was it going to teach me this time? But, I read it anyway as I swung in the hammock with the cool morning breeze blowing across me (God’s comfort comes in the simplest of forms, sometimes).
Jonah was a man that God had a specific plan for. He was supposed to go and spread the word of God to a town that was failing miserably in their sin. Jonah could have easily gone and shared God’s love with this town but he didn’t feel comfortable in the plan; he was scared and didn’t think he could do it… so he ran away! He ran to a boat, paid his fare and got on, trying to escape… but we can’t escape God. There was a huge storm and ultimately Jonah was thrown in to the water and got swallowed by a large fish. While all of this was going on, Jonah finally realized that he couldn’t run any longer. His prayer to God really connected with me on this morning in the hammock:
“In my distress I called to the Lord and He answered me. From deep in the realm of the dead I called for help, and you listened to my cry. … I said, ‘I have been banished from your sight; yet I will look again toward your holy temple.’
The engulfing waters threatened me, the deep surrounded me; seaweed was wrapped around my head. To the roots of the mountains I sank down; the earth beneath me barred me in forever. But you, Lord my God, brought my life up from the pit.
When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, Lord and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple.
Those who cling to worthless idols turn away from God’s love for them. But I, with shouts of grateful praise, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. I will say, ‘Salvation comes from the Lord.’”
(Jonah 2:2-9)
I was feeling unworthy; I was feeling scared; I was feeling uncomfortable and all of this was making me run like Jonah did. No, I didn’t literally run away but Satan had a hold on my mental peace with my situation and I was letting him take over.
“Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created.” –Esther 4:14
God has great plans for this year. I thought it was going to be me going out into the world to help others and spread the love of Christ… but from the very beginning He has changed my perspective and has shown me that I’m not here to specifically help others… He is going to use others and uncomfortable situations to change me, as well.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” –Matthew 11:28-30
I think it’s time that I stop making excuses and allowing my discomfort and anxiety to take over when I’m unsure of what I’m supposed to be doing or feeling. I’m so prone to giving up and going back to where I feel like I can hide in my own pleasures.
This year, however, with no distractions from home, for the first time in a long time, let me turn my life around and for once live solely for the Lord; giving into His plan for me and making use of the time that He has given me with this amazing country and group of people. He has blessed me with this opportunity and I want to give back all that I can to make His plan succeed.
Since yielding to what I feel like God has called me to, I have been in awe of this beautiful country and completely engulfed in the people and the culture that are surrounding me at the moment. My squad mates, the boys at the Beacon of hope, the adults that work here… they’re all my comfort and my family now. God has surrounded me with some great individuals, some interesting and once-in-a-lifetime opportunities… and from that, I am not going to shy away.
Let the laughter begin.
