After a difficult two weeks and lots of brokenness, I was sitting in a car headed from Bulgaria to Greece. My heart was in a muddle, and I felt discombobulated and hurt. I didn’t want to start a brand new month feeling like this. I put in my head phones, turned Spotify on at a volume that blocked out everyone else in the car, and began thinking hard and conversing with God. As I did that, God began speaking to me. I quickly typed my thoughts into the “notes” on my iPhone. This is what He and I talked about:
“Relationships are like stocks. Investing is a risk you take. Sometimes what you thought was a good investment turns out not to be so. The interest is low and maybe you even lose money. But don’t pull out immediately. Give it time, and it may be that it’ll come around again. Interest may rise again with time. Perhaps the investment will pay off.
I don’t like making new friends because I’m scared of investing unless I know it’s going to be good, and I don’t always know that immediately. I want only to invest into what I know will bring me reward and good interest. I’ve no interest in poor investments. [pun intended] I don’t like putting my resources into something that will bring no return. That’s actually a bit selfish. Because- Jesus didn’t do love like that. He invested into me. He made the biggest investment possible, knowing it could never bring sufficient return. But He still did it. He doesn’t give His love in pieces. He gives only all of it. I must love like Jesus. I must give the love I have even when there’s no guarantee of any return.
My life is like the parable of the talents. If I don’t use what Jesus has given me because I’m afraid of what might happen, then He’s going to take what I do have and give it to someone else. But, if I intentionally take the talents I have and use them for Him, then I will hear His words of affirmation. Also I’ll begin to walk in more and more of Him as He multiplies what I already have. I must invest myself into others, safe or not, because Jesus has given me what I have to share, not bury it in the ground.”
Vulnerability is hard, and sometimes it sucks. The times that it sucks makes it even harder the next time. So the question is: Will I keep my chin up and continue doing the hard thing? Will I trust God to protect my heart?
I choose to say yes.
