As I lifted my face upward, all I saw was the mountain in front of me. I could feel nothing but weakness and the pack on my back and realize I physically did not have what it took to scale another mountain. I pleaded with God: “Give me strength. Please help me. You have to give me strength; I mean it. If you don’t, I won’t make it.” This went on for as many hours as I was on the trail, and then some. Even if there hadn’t been a need to conserve energy and oxygen, I wouldn’t have been able to hold a meaningful conversation anyway, because I was too occupied pleading with God.
Fast forward three days and 30 miles…
Our short time in Mojos had come to a close, and obviously only because I did survive the journey there. Now it was time to narrow my eyes to square up the mountainous terrain a second time. The mountains looming ahead of me appeared as daunting as ever, but I remembered I had conquered them once, and I’d do it again. A [not so] minor problem though: my legs were already sore and my knee still ached. The fact that there would be more downhill on the trek back was not necessarily as comforting as one would think because, I knew, every step downhill meant excruciating pain in my left knee.
As I started out and began the descending and ascending of mountains, the familiar feeling of panic came rushing into my heart and mind. Again I began pleading with God for strength, knowing full well that if He “let me down”, I wouldn’t survive. With every breath, I pleaded with Him: “give me strength”, “be the wind in my lungs”, “give me emotional stamina”, “don’t let me slip”, “heal my knee and make it stop hurting”, “help me make it”, “don’t let me die”. On and on. I was compulsively pleading with him. Finally He stopped me in my tracks.
He said, “Stop asking, and start thanking me.” I raised my eyebrows at the reprimand. But what a revelation! After I meditated on it for a small distance, I knew that for the rest of the trek I could still ask my Father for things, but only once, and then I had to stop. God could get the point on the first plea, and He wasn’t going to forget after a few minutes. Offering a plea and then thanking Him instead of asking for the same thing a hundred times over really was simply walking in faith and believing I had received what I asked for. So, I made a decision to live that out for the rest of the 30 miles. Many times during that day and the next one I began to fall back into my old habit, but every time God gave me the boot. His reminders weren’t necessarily very gentle, either. It was like He put His finger under my chin and pulled my face up to His so He could give me the eyes.
Since those miles, I’ve been thinking about all of this a lot. I’m being continually challenged to walk this out outside of the jungle. Will I bug God with the same old thing over and over, not really believing He’s answered me properly, or will I make a request and then shut up and thank God for it? The latter is my choice. I will walk in faith.
“Do not fret or have anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, by prayer and petition (a definite request), with thanksgiving, continue to make your wants known to God.” Philippians 4:6
So there you have it. That’s one of my jungle lessons. More are coming.
