Ok… so we’ve all had a ‘bad day’- you know what I’m talking about! You get to the end of the day, and you can only remember the BAD things that happened. Maybe something positive happened, but you didn’t even notice, cuz you were just having a bad day! You feel tired, angry, grumpy, whiny, and short-fused.
I just came through what I thought was a bad week. I went back to PoPeyl Village on Monday, ready and excited for ministry after a good break on the week-end. But somehow, everything started going downhill from there- the first day, I spent a lot of the day running to the squatty pottie (actually clinging desperately to the bathroom wall) as my stomach heaved and ached. And then sometimes things don’t go as planned- like kids don’t show up because of a holiday (so- naturally you go fishing!). And then on Thursday, it really hit. Our team was feeling called to do a prayer and fast day. In Cambodia, Buddhist’s celebrate Bon Pchum Ben festival, in which they worship their dead ancestors by bringing them offerings, and then “send them back to the dead”. The spiritual oppression in this time is very strong.
Now I always think fasting is a great idea, until it actually happens. It always has the effect that it makes me feel superbly spiritual, or makes me realize how “ridiculously unspiritual” (thanks BJJ) I really am (usually the latter!) So Thursday morning I wake up (or I should say- attempted to wake up), and had zero motivation, and zero desire to pray. As I forced myself to get up and dragged my butt through my morning ritual of getting dressed for the day, and sweeping the playing area, I tried to perk up my spirits by praying and listening to God, but I felt like nothing was doing it for me! The day dragged on- I tried to pray, but it felt like the prayers couldn’t even leave my mouth, or they were lost as my head slumped to the table and I fell asleep. Lunch time came, my team prayed as a team, and I still wasn’t feeling it, but I tried to put my jumbled thoughts into audible prayer. Through the mumble jumble in my head and the weakness of my body, I managed to half-heartedly stumble through teaching an English lesson. Then the kids wanted to play tag, of course… ya I totally had no energy for that! Finally it was time for the evening Bible study with the village church ladies. It was my evening to lead this- and I thought it went quite smooth, considering the many distractions. Since some of the team were missing at dinner time, we each choose how we wanted to pray, and still I wasn’t feeling like audible prayer, so I opted for a prayer shower. Finally when I was cradled in the hammock at the end of the day, I could feel God holding me, “My child, it is not about your eloquent prayers, but your devotion to me. I love you, even when you feel like a failure.” And then I realized… Maybe this is a day God is teaching me a lesson… maybe it is in the bad days that I can grow and learn the most. Maybe the most positive thing about the day is what God is teaching me- that I don’t need to rely on myself, but rather HIS power in me!!! “It’s not about what you’ve done, but what’s been done for you.” (You are More, Tenth Avenue North) A bad day, may actually be a day when God is teaching me to rely on him, and not on my own strength.
