…and I never want be comfortable again. This is only the beginning- the fresh salad preparing me for the multiple course meal to come (yes, I seem to daydream about food a lot lately), but this meal is like none I have ever tasted before.
There’s a difference to the life these 7 months have presented. It challenges the nature of my flesh, and I have no choice but to accept reality and dive in. I couldn’t figure it out at first, why did it make me feel so different? Why did it begin to touch the surface of the depth I has been seeking?
Then it became plain as day, God answered my question- in life I have always been comfortable.
If something made me uncomfortable, I could simply opt out and not think twice about it. Even if I did step out, it was fleeting, and after the excitement I always returned to my mundane routine. There was always food- anything I desired I could eat, there was always cleanliness, and there was always my comfy bed waiting for me at night.
With the excessiveness of doctors, technology, food, and so much more, I didn’t truly need to depend on anyone but myself and the over abundance of resources around me.
I may have found encouragement through scripture, and deeper meaning through living with Jesus, but I wasn’t fully dependent on Him. As harsh as it is to say, I did not absolutely and completely need God at home.
I’ve finally realized what little control I have, and how much easier it is to let the Lord do His beautiful work. There is nothing I can do about the cockroach that runs across the table while I eat, but I choose to be thankful for food. There is nothing I can do about the rat scurrying in my room at night, but I choose to be thankful for a room to sleep in and a tent surrounding me. There is nothing I can do about the bones that love to hide in what little protein we get, but I choose to be thankful for the meat. There is nothing I can do about the shower that has been screaming for cleanliness for way too long, but I choose to be thankful for a shower with warm water.
When I stopped trying to fight the uncomfortable things, I realized the provision God constantly provides. When I stopped trying to find comfort in the scarce worldly things around me, I realized Jesus is enough.
The more uncomfortable I get here, the more whimsy this radical life produces, and the more uncertainty in a life far behind the “American standard”- the more I depend on Jesus, the more I trust my life in His hands, and the more I form my identity in Him.
This is the life Jesus calls us to- the gospel in its purest form.
God sent His only son as a sacrifice for our sins. Through sacrifice, we are given life. Likewise, when we sacrifice the comforts and control in our life, we begin to understand the life God intends for us to live.
As Bob Goff says in the book Love Does, “[God] asks if we’ll give up the things that we’re so proud of, the things that we believe cause us to matter in the eyes of the world, and give it up to follow Him. He’s asking us, “Will you take what you think defines you, leave it behind, and let Me define who you are instead?” The cool thing about taking Jesus up on His offer is that whatever controls you doesn’t anymore. People who used to be obsessed about becoming famous no longer care whether anybody knows their name. People who used to want power are willing to serve. People who used to chase money freely give it away. People who used to beg others for acceptance are now strong enough to give love. When we get our security from Christ, we no longer have to look for it in the world, and that’s a pretty good trade.”
Put your life in His hands, have great faith, and let go of whatever you’re holding onto to or whatever is holding onto you. It will be uncomfortable, but it will fill you beyond measure.
