I wish I could say that I’ve spent the past month reflecting on the previous eleven with family and friends, that I’ve taken the time to mourn the loss of community, but I haven’t. Instead as my first month home comes to a close I keep waiting for Jenn (my former team leader) to walk into my room and say, “Ann, pack up it’s time to leave.” To where I’m not entirely certain, which is something I grew accustomed to on the race, but ready, ready to go. A month has passed so isn’t it time to move?
Nope. The truth is, I have been a part of something incredible and it’s because God moved people to support me. I am so grateful for the financial support, prayer support and the support that I have received from people throughout my life. God would use so many voices from my past and present to remind me of important lessons throughout the race. The inspiring thing is, He’s still talking to me through my “supporters”, family and friends. He is moving me, maybe not physically, but He’s working on me. Patience, my never ending struggle, giving up control, yet another never ending struggle and my relentless desire for adventure.
It’s good to be back, and I only have an inkling of what the next adventure will be and something tells me that it’s not going to deal with something external, God’s going to lead me on an adventure that is going to stretch my faith in Him in a totally new way. I’m going to need to rely on Him and just take risks where the worst that could happen is that I fail. (Personally I like the idea of physical better, on some occasions, and He knows that which is why He’s leading me in this other direction.) It’s going to be hard.
This is where I hear Jenn’s voice, “Ann, what was said of Aslan?”
“Safe, he’s not safe, but he’s good.” I reply reluctantly and yet at the same time excited. Oh C.S. Lewis how I do adore your writing. Oh God, how sovereign you are to put me on a team with someone who love’s C.S. Lewis’ writing even more than me, and can use quotes from it to call me out on my bull. Thanks Jenn.
I was reminded last week at PSL (Project Search Light) that it’s okay to fail, either try again or find something else. The important thing is to take the risk, to take the leap of faith. The important thing is to trust, trust that God’s definition of us is greater than our failures. I was reminded of what the speaker at my Second City Training Center (Chicago) orientation said, “If you’re going to fail, fail big!”
Thank you for reading, and for your support. The race may over, but the adventure isn’t, (THANK GOD!). The mission continues.
