Leaving Bulgaria was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do on the race. Our ministry there was incredible and our contacts there are amazing people who walk daily in deep relationship with The Lord. They invited us into their family and poured God’s truth into us on a daily basis. Yavor challenged my writing and reminded me in a big way that I am not defined by my fear. It wasn’t until I hugged Nevena in Sofia that it sunk in that it was going to be longer than a week before I saw her again. Walking away I realized that it doesn’t really take all that long for someone to have an effect on your life. You can ask the right question, say the right phrase or do something that someone will take to heart and that will bring lasting change. We boarded our train for Serbia and as I watched the lights of Bulgaria go by out the train window I made a promise to myself that I will come back, but that promise didn’t seem to quell the hurt inside of me. The only comfort that came was the knowledge that just because we had left doesn’t mean that God had left, He is still there with them working on them, through them and with them. I found solace in the fact that the lessons that God started on me last month aren’t over and that He will complete them, and that He will continue to use me to bring change to others, and as long as I’m open, bring change to me.
What changes you ask? The long lesson of, “I’m not in control.” I’m going to be honest, this scares me, I know He’s done this before, He’s got this life, but living out that freedom, I have absolutely NO CLUE what that looks like. I want answers to questions like, “Ann what are you going to do when you get back?” Well I’m thinking of applying to get my MFA in creative writing, but if that doesn’t work out, then I have no idea. I have no idea. Hahahahaha….aaahhhhh, and embracing that it’s okay that I don’t know is not easy and letting God have control over that is NOT easy. Letting God define what I do, who I am, letting God fix situations, let Him control it, scary stuff. It will take time, that is one thing I do know, and that I can’t make this change happen. The Spirit needs to bring this change, some wisdom I have learned from Jenn, The Spirit is the one who brings about lasting and good change. So there we go.
Here we are in Serbia, blessed like crazy; beds (even for the boys who have gone without beds for the past four months) TWO bathrooms, we can flush our toilet paper (this almost seems counter intuitive at this point) we can drink the water from the sink and wait for it…..HOT WATER(!), and a super cute little girl named Hannah who just loves to be held. Some personal ones, SOY MILK!! This is the second month in a row that I’ve been able to buy soymilk! TWO MONTHS! Yeah I’m pretty stoked about it, calcium, and vitamin D, deliciousness that is lactose free and good for me! Thank you Jesus! Our contact has a nine-month-old German Shepherd (Hector) who is massive and fluffy and is now my new best friend. The trees and bushes and flowers are all in bloom in honor of the new beginnings of this time of year. I think it’s fair to say that I do love Eastern Europe. Yeah, I love Eastern Europe.
