“Therefore, to keep me from becoming conceited, I am forced to deal with a recurring problem. That problem, Satan’s messenger, torments me to keep me from being conceited. I begged the Lord three times to take it away from me.But he told me: “My kindness is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak.” So I will brag even more about my weaknesses in order that Christ’s power will live in me. Therefore, I accept weakness, mistreatment, hardship, persecution, and difficulties suffered for Christ. It’s clear that when I’m weak, I’m strong” .- 2 Corinthians 12: 7-10
If I ask God to be glorified in me, I must come to a full understanding that in order for Him to be lifted high… I must be lowered down.
Hid glory is reveled in my sufferings just as much as in my victories. You see… without the suffering, pain, and battle… there is no healing, victory, and triumph.
Without death, the devastation of the cross, and the closing of the tomb.. there would be no victory in rising from the grave on the third day!
The darkness MUST come in order for the Light to shine its brightest.
I believe that this thorn in Paul’s flesh is not only something to keep him humble, but also so that God would be glorified instead of Paul. Paul straight up admits to his weaknesses, hardships, and the fact that his flesh is failing, and what this shows me is that I can’t rely on Paul or any other human. Nor can anyone rely on me. In His weaknesses God’s strength is revealed and when we tap into that power and come to the realization that it comes from Jesus Christ alone… that is when we are made strong.
Anyone can be strong when the thorn is taken out, but a true disciple is one that accepts their weaknesses, sicknesses, and shortcomings and allows the Lords strength to be revealed through them.
Weakness is coming to the end of our own strength… and when we come to the end of our own stregnth that is when we fully rely on God’s stregnth. For when I am weak (at the end of myself) then I am strong (relying on the strength of the Lord and tapping into the same power that rose Jesus from the dead.)
I have a thorn in my flesh… literally. I have never ever ever had health problems. It wasn’t until I openly announced that I was going on the World Race that my health started to freak the freak out.
It all started with a kidney stone. (AKA THORN) (AKA WHATS IN THE DEVIL”S SLINGSHOT) (AKA SATAN HIMSELF) Really though… if you have never had one… they hurt. And I am convinced Satan makes them himself in hell. Moving on…
The ureter is a tube that connects the kidneys to the bladder. Apparently when I passed a kidney stone it caused scar tissue to develop in my ureter, causing it to swell and slowly close. This creates INTENSE pain at completely random times and could potentially lead to kidney failure.
Here is the funny part… where as most people have 2 ureters (one on each side) I have 3… 2 on my left side and 1 on my right.
When I stand before the Lord I am going to praise Him because I am fearfully wonderfully made… but help a sister out!!! Why couldn’t the freakishly awkward extra alien ureter be put on the side that ACTUALLY NEEDS IT? I can only laugh.. because one day this will all make sense and I will praise the Lord for that extra ureter on the side where it’s not currently needed.
Moving on…
So if I wasn’t leaving the country in September we could just monitor it every couple of months and make sure the kidney is functioning properly, but since that is not the case (if the Lord wills) I will have a stent placed in at the end of the month to keep that area opened in hopes that the kidney will drain properly. Now if this procedure works, all is well. Ureter stays open, stent is removed, thorn in my side is sent back to hell where it belongs. HA! (laugh you know it was funny)
But… there is always the “what if”. What if the stent doesn’t work? What if it does work and another kidney stone comes and creates more scar tissue and I have to start all over again? What if the doctor is wrong about all of this and I am wasting thousands of dollars for no reason? What if the organization doesn’t want to take the risk and chooses to not let me go?
Well… “what if” the surgery works, and AIM lets me go on the World Race, and all my money comes in, and I leave in September?
What I am trying to get at is we will never know… His thoughts are not our thoughts and His ways are not our ways. I could get in my car tomorrow and be involved in a terrible accident that takes my life, and here I am sitting in my bed freaking out about a stupid kidney stone. THIS is what the enemy wants.. He wants us to beg God to take away the thorn in our flesh and He wants it to consume us. If we can focus on the thorn then he has got us right where he wants us. We become so consumed and wrapped up in the thorn that we miss the bigger picture. Is this thorn putting me in a “pity me” attitude to where I concentrate on how people can serve me more than I can serve and uplift them?
Yes, the thorn is the work of the enemy but we cant forget that God had to allow it to be placed in us first. The thorn is a curse as well as a blessing. It is what the enemy tries to use to divide us, while the God’s purpose is for it to draw us closer to Himself in His perfect strength and power.
I received an email where the World Race wants to be informed on my medical issues. It could go either way honestly… I’m at this fork in the road but it’s not my decision to make. I have done exactly what God has called me to do, and no decision rests in my hands. What a peaceful yet heart-wrenching place to be. It’s not my decision to make… It’s God’s to make through the Doctor’s and the leaders of AIM. His will WILL be done… and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
I’ve asked over and over again for God to take this thorn away… and it seems when I do that it just gets worse. Last doctor’s visit we discovered that my entire kidney and bladder are infected as well as my ureter has swollen even more. So… I embrace this thorn just like I cling to the cross. Something that appears to be used for destruction and pain, can be turned around and used for His glory, His provision, and His protection.
I boast in this thorn… because it made me stronger.
It has made me rely on the Lord and His plan instead of trying to figure things out on my own.
Many people question what Paul’s thorn really was… was it sickness, discouragement, persecution? Whatever it was… it reminded Paul of the power, majesty, and strength of Jesus Christ. The thorn drew him closer to Jesus, it did not push him away.
So that is what I will choose to do. I will grab a hold of Jesus like never before, and I will let His power be perfected in my weakness.
“I may be weak, but your spirit is strong in me. My flesh my fail. My God you never will.”
