If I ever become a writer I think I shall be a fat writer with really good hair. Whether I am ADD is not certain, but the minute that I sit down to write, I have a strong desire to eat anything, maybe everything, and fix my hair for the day. I don’t really like to write but I do because Jesus tells me to, and I have learned those are usually (OK always) good things to do. I do it because there are things that obnoxiously run around my head in circles until I get them out. Despite if I think I am good at it or if I want anyone to read the crazy happenings of my brain, it is what I am supposed to do.
The problem with all this is, I don’t want to, nor do I really like to write. I don’t think my voice in it all really matters. I would rather be lazy, not write, Pintrest all day and just go on with my life. Despite my disdain for the activity and the possibility that maybe I am descent a writer, Jesus is teaching me a great many things. He is showing me that it is His voice though me, that doubting myself is telling Him that I don’t believe that He is a big God. It is me looking up at the God who created me, pointing my little human finger and telling him I don’t think you are big enough to do your work through silly old me.
Speak, write, and create. “Speak” is what Jesus keeps telling me. I was created to create, made to share what Jesus has put inside of me and speak the words that He gives me. To not do this is just selfish, doubtful disobedience. Unfortunately for me and my dislike of anything to do with sentence structure and word choice, I decided back in February whatever Jesus asked of me this year I had already said yes. This took me out of the debate and forced me into action and obedience even though at times (let’s be honest most the time) is done with reluctance and my feet dragging.
Who knows what He is going to do with this whole writing phase. I am starting to realize all Jesus really needs are people who say yes to the things that He impresses on their hearts. He is a God who can, and wants to work though His people. He can use me despite my half dyslexic brain, or the fact that I don’t really know anything about pronouns or where commas are supposed to go. I know this, I am in Nepal on the World Race, an epic adventure, not because I am a great missionary, or a great anything, but I said yes, that is all I did. Yet again I am on a journey of learning to trust Jesus. That He has plans for my life bigger than my own; plans leading to His glory, because they are not things that I have done on my own strength or abilities. I don’t know if His plans have anything to do me with writing or not, but I know He is leading my life in a direction that is better then I have ever imagined.
So here I am writing about how much I dislike writing. I know I am not a college graduate or anything but I think Jesus won this one. I think I just said yes despite myself.
And that folks is how i really feel about writing.
Nika
