If a picture is worth a thousand words how do you measure the worth of looking out of a bus window and seeing the real thing. How do you put into words what it means to look out and watch the country side of Cambodia pass you by? To see the skinny white cows grazing under the palm trees, and to see kids riding rusty bikes on the red dirt on the side of the road, the shack after shack that sits on stilts. To watch people go about their lives in their own version of normal that right now seems so strange to me. What is it worth to see the snap shot in all its reality and to touch it with your own hands? When you get off the bus for dinner and the first thing that you see is a pile of fried crickets and little boys getting high sniffing glue. In saying this I know I run the risk of sounding awfully cheesy but, it’s priceless, and who am I to have received such a blessing to have the picture burned in my mind, from a firsthand experience. I sit in a tacky upholstered bus seat surrounded by my squad in awe of what I have been given.
To he who has been given much, much is required. As strange as this may seem one of the greatest and most overwhelming fears since being on the race is the fear of who I will become. That if I truly let God mold and shape me, what will be required of me? That I will have to step out of my fear of responsibility and step up to a call to love and engage the world in the way that Christ did. Fear of responsibility is a really fancy way to say I love to park myself in my own selfishness; I truly enjoy living in my own apathetic happy bubble, as I would call it. There I can say that everything is fine (or as my phrase since Central America has been coined, “esta bien”). I only have to engage when I choose; when it is comfortable. It means I don’t go to those deep places with other people or with myself. There is an arm’s length bubble that I can be content to hold it all at bay. That is not the point of life, and to miss this opportunity to grow and to love would be poor stewardship of this life of great value that I have, by Gods grace, been handed.
Stewardship is figuring out what to do with the gifts placed in our possession. It is not just a fancy word that church people say to get you to give money. I have been given much; so much is required of me. I am a steward of the gifts that God has given me. I have been given love, how will I be a steward of an endless ocean of it? What is ten percent of the perfect unending expanse of God’s love? And just how do I give that away? In what ways will I be a steward of the Joy that I have inside me as a fruit of the spirit. Will I act in obedience when God tells me to say or do something? How will I be a steward to the sound of His voice?
I stand on the edge or maybe in the middle of a journey of obedience, to let go of so much selfishness, pride and risk everything. I hold onto so much, just so I can love without risk. Is love without risk really love? Serving God begins with trusting His goodness, love and faithfulness that my He will be holding me. Then I must “let go” like He has spoken to me all month. I want to be everything He wants me to be, nothing more and nothing less.
So at the end of the day all I can do is pray. I pray for a humble heart, I pray for courage to risk what I need to risk and act in obedience, I pray that I am moved by compassion, I pray that I am filled with faith to trust in Gods goodness and faithfulness, pray to hear from God so that I can act in His wisdom and not my own. Pray that now that I have seen I will know what my reaction should be; that I will know what true love looks like. This life is not my own so I pray that I will learn to lay it down for the sake of my God my King.
This month my team and I are working with Shalom Ministry in Sihanouk Ville Cambodia. We work with two different ministries here. One is teaching English to kids that live in the town, and bible study with them on Friday. I am teaching the younger kids basic English. Poverty is very prevalent in Cambodia and two out of my four kids have had to drop out of school because there families are not able to afford it. Our second ministry is doing devotions with the women that are part of Shalom Ministries. They are women that have gotten out of the sex industry or other bad situations and now work as seamstresses for Shalom. We also get to love on their beautiful kids and babies that run around.
Along with a fantastic ministry we have been blessed with so much this month. Including real beds, home cooked meals on the week days, and the most beautiful beach that I have ever seen just 15 minutes away.
Thank you all for your prayers.
I would like to invite you to help support me for the last leg of this race. The next deadline is July 1st and I am about $3,400.00 away from meeting it.
Love Nika
