It’s the second week of our ministry in Thialand and I have the flu. Two nights ago I tossed and turned in my bed with a fever and the chills, waking up every hour or so with aches so bad I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I kept laying there thinking, “I wish my Mom was here to make me feel better…” so I prayed and prayed that the Lord would help me get back to sleep and heal my body. Yesterday things got worse. I went from having very little energy to having none and the only time I left my bed was to use the toilet. I missed children’s ministry, I missed working out in the jungle and I forced myself to go to worship last night but I was miserable the entire time and could barely sit up. This is the first time on the World Race that I’ve been sick and I think it’s because I’ve finally hit that famous “Month 5 World Race Wall” that I’ve heard so much about. Apparently around this time on the Race, everyone either gets physically exhausted, spiritually exhausted or just completely worn out in general and they hit that “wall” where they feel like they can’t continue. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I feel like I’ve hit the infamous wall here in Thailand. Between feeling physically sick and fighting off spiritual attacks from the Enemy, the last few nights of bar ministry have been spiritually draining me on top of everything else. In one of the bars my small group has been ministering in, there are two ladies, Fa and Lump (not their real names), who were honest with us the first night we met them and both said they hated working at the bars on Bangla. The second night we visited them, a terrible fight broke out at their bar and I talked to them after the fight was broken up and said that they didn’t have to be in this environment if they didn’t want to and that they had so many options and resources if they wanted to look into them. The third night coming back to the bar I asked Lump where Fa was and she said “Fa not here…Fa quit…go home to be with her family up north.” I was thrilled that Fa had finally quit and was courageous enough to leave her work as a prostitute but I was also very saddened that I wasn’t able to talk with her about our ministries employment opportunities or most importantly, about God and how much He loves her and has a plan for her life. Knowing there was nothing I could do about it, I just prayed that God would miraculously reveal Himself to Fa while she is up north with her family and that someone else, just like me, would be able to help her get a good job and tell her about the Lord. I asked Lump what she thought of Fa quitting and Lump kept shaking her head and looking down. She finally said, “Too scary to quit…too scary…must stay here.” and when I reminded her that she hated working at the bar and hated having to go home with men night after night she said, “No, no, can’t quit…must stay here.” I’ve left two flyers that has our ministries information on it for Lump and I’m praying that one of these days Lump lets me take her to lunch at our ministry base so she can look into alternative vocations for herself. It’s up to her at this point. I’m realizing this month that I can’t help someone that refuses to be helped, and because of experiences like the one I’m going through with Lump, the Lord has really been teaching me about my specific roles as His disciple. I am not called to bring every single woman I meet on Bangla Road to our minsitry, to a better job, and ultimately to Jesus. That’s their decision. That’s up to God’s divine will and His sovereign choice (Romans 9). He created all of us with a mind and the ability to choose freely. All I can do as a Christ follower is love every person I come in contact with on Bangla Road, and give them the option for a better, new life. It’s up to them to take it or not. However, it can be exhausting pouring into someone, praying for them continuously and seeing no fruit…no results…nothing. I think that’s where I’m at right now. Another challenging part of bar ministry lately has been hearing more of these ladies stories. One of my friends at another bar, we’ll call her Bern, asked me a few nights ago if I had a boyfriend during a game of Jenga we were playing. When I told her I didn’t have a boyfriend and asked her if she had one, she replied, “Yes, I have! Four years we’ve been together. He lives in Japan, though, with his wife and kids.” I looked across the table at Alana and neither of us knew what to say, so I said the first thing that came to my mind which was, “Wait…your boyfriend has a wife and kids?” Brilliant, I know. She went on to explain that her boyfriend is a business man that sells hand bags in Japan and he comes to Thailand a lot for business trips and every month he will visit her and give her a “monthly allowance” and buy her presents too. In exchange for the money and presents she gives him sex and her word that she won’t tell his wife about the two of them. WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT??!?!? Anyone?? Anyone?? Suggestions?? Musings?? I had absolutely no idea what to say. I just kept praying in my head as she was talking, “Jesus, what would you say to her.” So I asked her a question I thought would be convicting in a loving way, “What does you sister think of you dating a married man?” She replied, “Oh my sister is a lesbian who dresses like a man, she’s got her own problems.” And again…I’m stumped. No idea what to say. So I start talking to her about the future and if she wanted to stay in the bar industry forever and she said she wanted to go back to school but she doesn’t have any money for it now. I am praying, praying, PRAYING that she decides to come check out the ministry here. Bern is intelligent, witty, fun, beautiful and her English is way better than mine is…that is the truth, friends. She has so much going for her and she’s stuck in a life where she’s a mistress for a Japanese businessman and on top of that sells her body every night at a bar she “works” for. It’s very hard for me to watch, and it is my greatest prayer that someday she has the revelation that she IS worth more and she DOES choose to leave. Until then, though, all I can do is love her, get to know her, laugh with her, and play Jenga. These are just a few stories of the women trapped on Bangla Road. Some of them are happier than the ones I just shared, some of them are far more grim. All of them involve a Heavenly Father that loves them and a Savior that desperately wants a relationship with them. So, while I have hit that “Month 5 Wall” and I am completely exhausted, physically and spiritually drained, frustrated and confused…I know that these women are worth every bit of energy I’m pouring out. They are worth the late nights, the hours of intercessory prayer. They are worth the frustration and moments of discouragement. They are worth my tears and sorrows. They are worth the spiritual attacks, empathy and suffering. I have only known these women for two weeks and I already love them so very much. No matter what it takes, I want to see these women freed from the chains that have enslaved them for far too long. I know with prayer, worship and the reading of God’s Word I will be feeling better in no time, for Jesus says in Matthew 11:30, “My yoke is easy and my burden is light”. But I am not the one I’m concerned about. It’s the women on Soi Tiger, Soi Easy and Soi Gonzo that is my main focus right now. Having something like the flu is the least of their worries. I pray that their hearts will be willing to receive the help they so greatly deserve and soon. Please continue to pray for me, my team and the women of Bangla Road, friends and family. This is a laboring line of work for the Kingdom and we need as much intercession as possible.
