I’ve always thought of myself as a hard worker. My closest
friends and family reading this might be laughing right now, thinking “Sure
Angie…� but in all honesty, from a very young age I’ve learned that if I work
hard, I can play hard later, and that is exactly how I’ve lived my life as a
student. I graduated college in exactly four years which was a wonderful
accomplishment, especially since I transferred universities and changed majors.
Graduating technically “on time� meant that I always had a full-time schedule,
with at least 15 credits of courses, volunteer work with Compassion
International or Environment Colorado, singing in the church choir, working at
my internship at church, traveling, doing Semester at Sea Summer 2009 (a
fabulous study abroad program) and spending time with my wonderful friends and
family. Life was good, but it was busy, busy, BUSY!!!
Right after graduation from UNC, I had an extremely eventful
two and a half months. I was fortunate enough to travel to Italy and India as
well as spend time working at my church and hanging out with friends and
family. At the end of the summer I went to Training Camp for the World Race. All summer I
didn’t have time to breathe let alone be bored. After Training Camp, every one of my
friends either started their post-graduate careers in the professional world,
or they went back to college, or they moved away. This didn’t start to affect
me until about the second week after Training Camp in Georgia.
I began to realize that I didn’t have school to keep me
busy, and that I couldn’t get a job because no one in their right mind would
hire someone to work for them full-time for only five weeks. I was in “World
Race Limbo�. This is that uncomfortable, boring, scary place after Training
Camp and before Launch in your first country of ministry. For a lot of my
fellow racers, this time has been filled with lots to do! Unfortunately for me,
I have had a lot of time to feel depressed with lack of fulfillment and
self-worth. I was feeling lonely and longing for my previously busy life. This
didn’t last too long. Well, technically I still am in “World Race Limbo,� but
the depression didn’t last too long. Thank GOD for fellow brothers and sisters
in Christ to keep me encouraged and fill me up with the love of Jesus.
I started realizing that I was more “American� than I liked
to admit. I was constantly forcing myself to fill up any and all of my free
time with things that kept me busy and kept me feeling like I was being a
“helpful member of society and the Kingdom of God�. I saw the movie, “Eat,
Pray, Love� with Julia Roberts, and in the film, she learns “Il dolce far niente� in
Italy, which is “the sweetness of doing nothing�. I am not good at “doing
nothing,� which has caused me to feel absolutely horrible.
A dear friend and
sister in Christ, Natasha Hurt, and I had coffee the other week and she said
something that is worth passing on. She told me that our God is not a God of
coincidence, and that it is not random that I have had two months of being home
before leaving for Guatemala. While I’ve been thinking this time has been
pointless or “in vain,� God has been using this time to teach me, relax me,
fill me, use others to minister to me in ways I don’t even realize or couldn’t
even imagine. God has showed me that, as Jimmy McCarty talked about the first
night at Training Camp, God cares about your character, not your comfort. It is
no coincidence that I’ve had this amount of time at home “doing nothing�…because
in reality, it has never been “doing nothing,� while Satan wants me to think it
is.
God has been working on my character as a daughter of the
Kingdom, He’s been working on my team’s character, and my squad’s character. He
wants to continue to mold us and reveal His plans for us during this time. He
wants to prepare us during this time to go out as strong, compassionate, bold
men and women of the Kingdom. God has been using this time to pour money into
our support accounts, time that we all so desperately need to be financially
able to go. He has been using this time to minister to me through my
fundraising in Greeley and especially at my church. This past month has shown
me just how loved I am and that people are willing to give their hard-earned
money (money that is not easy to come by in this economic recession I might
add) to my mission fund. God is using me to love on and minister to my family
and friends back home in ways I don’t even realize I’m doing. If I had left for
Guatemala immediately after Training Camp I wouldn’t have received the $13,200
in donations that has brought me so close to being fully funded. If I’d left
right after Training Camp I wouldn’t have slowly learned “Il dolce far niente� and
that it’s ok to have free time for myself, getting “R & R� in before the
stress and chaos of the World Race.
It has been uncomfortable asking people for money. It’s been
uncomfortable learning to take time for myself and not having a thousand things
to stress out about. It’s been uncomfortable being the only person I know
having absolutely nothing important to do. Here’s the thing though: God doesn’t
care if I’m uncomfortable. He cares that I am a woman of strong character, that
has risen above the depession, the lack of comfort, the loneliness and lack of
self-worth and found the truth. The truth that God uses all time for a purpose,
and there is great purpose in these two months. Some of that purpose I am realizing
through the help of my family and friends around me. Some of that purpose I am
realizing through the Holy Spirit speaking to my heart. However, there are things
the Lord is doing during this time for me, my family and friends back home, my
team and my squad that I don’t even realize. Thank you, Natasha, for teaching
me that there is no such thing as coincidences, and that God has a season for
everything, even for “Il dolce far nienteâ€�. 😉
