I’m in an Arranged Polygamist Marriage

I’ve decided to dedicate this blog to all my readers that are married simply because, as of October 2nd, 2010, I entered into a marriage of my own. The only difference between your marriages and mine however, is that for the last 7 months of my life…I’ve been married to six other people, instead of just one. Another difference between my marriage and yours is, you lovely readers picked your spouses and they picked you, but the seven of us were thrown together to live in unity without any choice in the matter at all. I began my journey thinking I was just going to “live in community and be on a team”, but soon after the Race I have decided I am in, what I like to call “an arranged polygamist marriage”.

Don’t get my wrong, I trust the Lord and His sovereignty and I trust His decision of bringing our team together for this season in our lives, I just definitely understand now what people mean when they say marriage is not just one big honeymoon…it’s real, raw, hard work. While I wouldn’t have picked the team I am on now, my Heavenly Father did, and His plans are far better than mine. These lovely individuals God has partnered me with are none other than: Angela Grit, Alana Lusted, Haile Hendricks, Nikki Medders, Phil Khamoua and Mac Mitchell. For better or for worse, for richer or for World Race poorer, until the 1st of September do we part, I’m stuck with them…and they are stuck with me.

I remember hearing World Race Alumni saying that the Race will prepare you for marriage one day, but now I understand the weight of their words. I am constantly putting six other people’s feelings, problems, ideas and comfort in front of my own and I have six extremely different personalities to connect with on an emotional and spiritual level. If that doesn’t prepare you for “being a grown up” I don’t know what would. Of course the seven of us are living in a purely platonic, brother/sister community setting, but it goes far beyond just “good friends I live with” like I had in college. In college I had my independence and I wasn’t constantly with my roommates. The seven of us on Team Refresh are always together…sometimes happy, sometimes mad, sometimes laughing, sometimes fighting but always pouring in all we have into our relationships with one another. We have to constantly let each other know how we are feeling and what we are thinking, whether it’s hard to say or not.

We even have “marriage counseling” which AIM calls “Debrief” every couple months with our Squad Leaders, Shannon and Scotty and our Squad Coaches, Mamma C and Pappy. They give us advice on how to relate to one another and how to resolve any conflicts within the group, and we take their feedback to the Lord and apply it to our daily lives as seven individuals living in extreme, intimate community. The seven of us sleep under the same roof, worship together, eat every meal together, do ministry together, have our “down time” together, and even have our “quiet time” together. AIM doesn’t allow us to ever be anywhere alone so there are many times when I would like to take a walk by myself, but for safety reasons, I can’t…so headphones and worship music have to suffice for “quiet time” until I get home from the Race. We try to incorporate fun things to do together as a team, as well as spiritual activities, and the seven of us always participate in our daily session of what we call “Feedback”, where we voice our feelings about anything that’s on our hearts–the good, the bad, and the ugly.

It can be exhausting, trying to compromise and work with six other people every single day for eleven months, but God has definitely taught me patience, perserverance, solid communication and constant commitment through it. There are times when I get so frustrated with my team I just have to throw my hands up in the air and pray to the good Lord to get through it, but my team mates always show me grace and mercy just like I show them grace and mercy when they’re having their times of frustration. I have learned such valuable lessons that I know my entire team will take into our actual marriages down the road. Lessons God chose to teach us through each other. I know Phil and Mac’s future wives will have the five of us women to thank for all that we taught them about women and I am sure my future husband, whoever he may be, will be thanking them for teaching me all about men. We have all learned that, however hard it may be, a relationship isn’t something you can just give up on, as difficult and painful as it may be from time to time. We give it our all, constantly trying and never giving up on each other, and that is a priceless gift from God I will never forget.

I know when the time is right, the Lord will give me an amazing man and we will be married and start a life together. But because of this year, I can say with confidence that I will go into that life long commitment with the tools and the experiences that will give me what I need for a healthy God-centered marriage…thanks to Jesus, and of course, the six people I travel around the world with. As for my team mates, I can honestly say that even though our relationships with one another are far from perfect, I cherish them and am truly blessed by them. Love to my six spouses and thank you for the life lessons and the growing pains. 🙂