“Now
faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not
see.”
-Hebrews
11:1
I’ve been thinking about the word
“faith” a lot recently and what the true meaning of that word really
is. One definition of the word faith is: a strong belief in a supernatural power or
powers that control human destiny. Another definition of faith is: confidence
or trust in a person or thing. I’ve decided I’m still struggling with faith; I
still have trust issues and a lot of that comes from my obsessive nature to
control everything in my life. But that’s what this next chapter of my life is
about. It’s about letting go of the “Angie Blattner, who’s a control freak” and
taking in the destiny that God has for me.
I’ve always had faith…but what I’ve put my faith in
has
unfortunately not always been where it needs to be. I’ve had seasons in my life
where I’ve put too much faith into my relationships, into my money, into my
plans and my aspirations, and while all of that is good…it’s not where my
foundation should be. People are going to leave me disappointed and
unfulfilled. Money will come and go. My plans can fall through at the drop of a
hat and everything I aspire for may turn out to be not at all what I was hoping
for. The only thing I need to put my full faith and trust in is the LORD. It is
Jesus, because He will never disappoint me or fall through. Jesus has so
desperately been calling me to trust in Him.
This entire World Race journey has got me so out
of my element. I don’t know what the exact plan of anything is and there is
always the possibility of anything changing instantaneously. It’s shown me that
I need to rid my self of the insecurity and anxiety that planning my own life
has caused. One night I was at church choir and instead of listening to Marvin
(sorry Marvin) I was thinking in my head, “I have so much to get done before I
leave in October and there’s still so much money left to fundraise.” Finally,
God shut me up and interrupted my thoughts with this loud question: “You don’t
trust me at all, do you?” That took me by surprise and at that moment, I was
very truthful and answered, “No, Lord…not like I should. Not like I need to
be.”
Training camp in Georgia was a tiny taste of what
next year is going to look like. It showed me what my faith is going to need to
be like, and how much growing in my faith and trust I need to do before I leave
in October. Faith that this year will be worth it, that whatever people I team
up with are put there for a divine purpose, that wherever I go and whatever I’m
doing, I know God will provide for all my needs. It’s waking up every day
without my faith being in worldly things like whether or not my car is going to
start, or whether or not my barista is going to get my drink order right, or
whether or not my own plans will be effective enough for me to get from point A
to point B, C and D. It’s the faith in only the Lord that I desire, that I
yearn for. Faith completely set in my awesome God, that HE has marvelous plans
for me, and if I let Him, He will make me into the daughter I’m meant to be.
I declare I will have such faith in the Lord, that
whatever injustices I see or heart breaking stories I hear, I will trust that
God is still in control, He is still on His throne. I declare that I will have
the faith that wherever there is pain and suffering in these 11 countries I’m
about to visit, I will trust that God is their with His people, crying with
them and loving on them. I declare that no matter what I experience, whether it
be a woman who was forced into prostitution, a starving child, or a widow dying
of AIDS, that my faith will assure me that the joy, power and the strength of
Jesus Christ will break any bonds and afflictions that Satan has on them, in
Jesus name. I declare that my faith will stand firm that with God nothing is
impossible.
Putting my faith in worldly things is comfortable.
It’s the thing that comes naturally to us. However, God doesn’t care about my
comfort. He cares about my character, as His daughter in His Kingdom. I declare
that my faith will, from this point on, rest fully in the Trinity: Father, Son
and Holy Spirit, and with them, I will slowly come into my destiny, not as
“Angie Blattner the control freak”, but as “Angie Blattner, a daughter of the
Kingdom that trusts Jesus with all of her heart.”
When Marshall and I were in Calcutta, India this
summer volunteering with Mother Teresa’s Missionaries of Charity, we would pray
this prayer every morning before we went out to the orphanages and service
centers. I love this prayer because I really try to meditate on the “simple
faith of a child” part. Because that’s all I am, a child to the amazing King of
Kings, and all I want to do is trust Him. Here is the prayer we prayed, and it
is my prayer for each and every one of you:
“Lord, Thou Great Physician, I kneel before Thee.
Since every good and perfect gift must come from Thee, I pray, Give skill to my
hand, clear vision to my mind, kindness and sympathy to my heart, Give me
singleness of purpose, strength to life at least a part of the burden of my
suffering fellow men, and a true realization of the rare privilege that is
mine. Take from my heart all guile and worldliness, that with the simple faith
of a child I may rely on Thee. Amen.”
