On Tuesday I woke up to my rambunctious 5 month old pup chewing on my hair. In dog world this somehow translates to: ‘I need to go potty.’
I have calculated that it is only a number of seconds between the hair chew and a nice yellow puddle on the floor so I quickly but clumsily made my way through the darkness and fumbled to throw on a pair of jeans, all the while, holding Nollie at arm’s length to keep her from sniffing at the tiles. I must have stepped on 2 different chew toys on my way down the stairs which squeaked loudly, startling me so I had to catch myself from tripping or dropping the dog.
We made it.
Back in the house my half-asleep mind accused me of being trained by the dog. Something about conditioning and Pavlov’s dogs and psychology class. I glanced at the clock and realized my alarm would go off in a half hour. I decide it best to just stay up and maybe get up-dated on my belonging sales.
Bleary eyed, I attempted to focus on the overly bright computer screen. Wall post. Picture comment. Another picture comment. Nothing out of the ordinary. And then one particular notification jarred me wide awake.
You see, I had been so careful with what I had posted online, meticulously and watchfully covering all my cyber tracks, blocking all my fellow coworkers from any information of my World Race adventure (no offense to anyone from work reading this). I wanted to wait to break the news to my bosses and didn’t want the information to leak out before I was good and ready. They have a reputation for being a bit temperamental and in the past employees have been fired for suggesting they may be leaving in several months. And yet, here it was: a comment froma co-worker on a fund-raising picture with a link to this very blog as the caption!
I instantly panicked. I checked my message inbox only to find a lengthy message from another restaurant employee that I had supposedly hidden the information from. That was it. The news was out. Now it was only a matter of time before word got to my managers and employers.
I made the spot decision to give up on getting ready in lieu of writing them a letter. I thought that would be the best way for me to explain myself. Of course, I didn’t have much time. I wrote and wrote, wording and rewording things until the minutes ran down and I was forced to stop or I would be late for work. The letter was largely incomplete.
In the end I left empty-handed. I was frustrated. I felt like God did it on purpose. He can be so darn impossible some days. I felt like He, on purpose, did not want for me to be prepared and He made things happen in such a way that I couldn’t be. Things weren’t happening on my terms and He made that pretty clear. As I drove, I blared my music to drown out the frustration, but I still talked with God. Why why why, God? Why are you doing this to me? You knew I wasn’t prepared. What’s so bad about giving me time to prepare? Is that really so awful?
Let me amaze you.
Those are the only four words He gave me and to be perfectly honest, I didn’t understand what they meant. What I did know was that He had a plan. And that was all.
I spent my work day praying and fasting, still jittery and nervous. When my lunch shift ended, I walked across the street to the offices took a deep breath and walked inside. To my great and wonderful surprise my bosses took the news so well! Not only did I not get fired (or even reprimanded) but they were so gracious as to offer me a backpack for the trip and promised to think about who they know that would be willing to donate!
I left the office skipping and DANCING and praising the Lord. God is so good! Sneaky, yes. But also good. Never in a million years would I have anticipated things going so well. It was all clear now. Let me amaze you. He arranged things so that I would have no question as to who was responsible for this blessing. It wasn’t because I wrote a moving letter or because I am an eloquent speaker. I wasn’t to take credit for any of this. God wanted all the glory. He wanted my faith. And He wanted more than anything to amaze me, to fill my heart with wonder at His great affection for me as He lavished me in His love.
10 Moses raised another objection to God: "Master, please, I don't talk well. I've never been good with words, neither before nor after you spoke to me. I stutter and stammer."
11-12 God said, "And who do you think made the human mouth? And who makes some mute, some deaf, some sighted, some blind? Isn't it I, God? So, get going. I'll be right there with you—with your mouth! I'll be right there to teach you what to say."
Exodus 4:10-12
