YOU ARE GODS BEAUTIFUL CREATION, he has made us with his hands and created us to be his delicate workmanship.
Why is this concept so hard for us to grasp? Why is it so hard for us to understand God’s love, and comfort, and forgiveness, and mercy? Why do we look at ourselves and see anything less than an heir to the kingdom?
God has been showing me I’m fiercely delicate, and thats amazing and so profound. But what is he point of trying to grow in that if every time I look at myself, I look and feel like less than a princess of the kingdom. I look and I judge. I’m not good enough because I haven’t reached this standard or expectation. I’m not pretty enough because I don’t have these characteristics. I’m not smart enough because I didn’t take these classes. Im not worthy of belonging because I am too much for people to handle.
We go through life using our experiences in life of heartbreak, betrayal, distrust, pain, and loss and we think that that’s the way God is. We measure God on our level of understanding based on our life experiences, when in reality God isn’t even on our level, we don’t hold a torch to him.
We cant look at our heartbreak, and cheating stories and think that’s how God loves. We cant look at our betrayal stories and think god isn’t faithful. We cant look at all of our pain and think that God isn’t good. We cant look at our misunderstanding and think that god is naive, we cant look at our loss and think God doesn’t have control.
God is God, and we strive to be like him. We cant strive to make God like us, fitting into our broken standards of his eternal characteristics. God looks at us and marvels at us. He made the stars to worship him and the mountains to bow to him and everything in existence to obey him. Every sunset, and sunrise, every full moon, and shooting star, every long legged wader and tiny little ant, everything he made. But of all these things he still chooses daily to value us his sons and daughters over all. But we just don’t choose him.
We think too many times that God is good for other people because we see their growth and their relationship with Abba. We think that our relationship with Abba isn’t good enough because of our comparisons to other Christians. We think that we aren’t worthy oof love because a past relationship told us we don’t deserve it. We think that God isn’t a good father or mother because of our experience with our earthly father and mother. We think all these false things about Abba because we try to fit him into the box of our lives.
What happens when we stop limiting Abba and actually give him the chance to speak into our ear about what he says about who we are?
God has been showing me that i struggle in this way. I struggle with believing things about God, becuase I base them on my experience. I struggle with who I am because of the lies I have told myself and believed for so long.
Abba is changing my narrative.
I never understood all the gajillion thoughts he has about me because I didn’t want to look in the mirror and face the truths of who I am first. I didn’t want to go deep in pursuing a relationship with myself because I know how I can be, and when you don’t really know someone its easy to sit back and judge. This is true for myself. I have never taken the time to be in personal relationship with myself, so all i had to do was judge. It’s easy to hear “the God who put the stars in the sky even created you so he loves you.”, but its hard to figure out why you still don’t believe it.
Beloved: someone who is dearly loved. In the book of Song of Songs, there are poems written back and forth from a man and a woman. These love poems are said to reflect the love between Christ and his church. In asking the question, “God what do you see when you look at me?”. I found myself in this book of love.
Song of Songs 1:15 “How beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful! Your eyes are like doves.”. Eyes being like doves means he sees a certain beauty in her. The Blue Letter bible said, “A woman deeply in love with God has a particular beauty in her eyes.”
Song of Songs 2:2 “Like a lily among thistles is my darling among young women.”. Lilies symbolize passion, purity, and the epitome of beauty.
Song of Songs 4:1 “You are beautiful, my darling, beautiful beyond words.”
Song of Songs 4:7 “ You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way.”
Song of Songs 4:9 “You have captured my heart, my treasure my bride.”
After going back and forth in their declarations of love, respect, and integrity for on another, this poem closes with the power of the truest most perfect form of love.
Song of Songs 8:6 “ For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with al his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.”
Today I had to look in the mirror. I had to realize I was afraid of what the Lord could call me because I knew what I called myself. I couldn’t even imagine a thought that he could have about me. This was so hard, and it didn’t help that I had just gotten up and didn’t do my hair.
God’s love for me is so passionate, genuine, jealous, and wholesome. But I can only love him as much as I love myself. I can’t base my love for him or for myself on past experiences, and trails because that’s not who I am and that isn’t who God is. I do realize that just like the woman in Song of Songs, I am flawed. I make mistakes. I act like an imbecile sometimes. I tell super corny jokes and think they are funny. I’m not perfect I never will be… BUT
I am beautiful
I am wanted
I am valued
I am delicate
I am strong
I am precious
I am worthy
I am enough
I am not unworthy, unlovable, ugly, too short, loo loud, not enough, unimportant, incapable, stupid, or unwanted. I am not my past pain. I am not the lies I believed. I am not the experiences I have been through.
I have the best love from the best lover in the universe… I get it now.
