To voluntarily ostracize oneself from
their own culture and tradition is to embark on a journey of
discovery. Discovery of self, and divine purpose but more importantly
the discovery of a realm outside of the norm, a Kingdom crowned with
The Glory of God.
By coming on The World Race I have
somewhat conscientiously asked God to set the bar higher for me, to call
me to uncommon levels of communion with Him, His Kingdom and His
people. When my airplane departed from Canada taking me to the
starting point of this trip, I had a vision. I saw myself standing at
the edge of a plank on a ship. The blueish, green sea was sparkling
at the reflection of The Lord’s Glory all around, occasionally
directing the rays onto my face. I felt compelled to leap from the
ship. I stood at the farthest edge of the ship and was ready to be
released into the vast waters. I felt the Holy Spirit speak to me,
showing me that this was a picture of what the Father is doing with
my life. He is taking me to the edge of MYSELF, to the edge of MY
desires, motivations, hopes and dreams. To a place where He
submerses me unto Himself, bringing order to my character,
personality and purpose. Experiencing a freedom from selfish ambition
knowing that He wants my heart positioned in such a way that He can
walk on Earth.
This was an exhilarating and yet scary
moment. I knew it would entail sacrifice and devotion, but I had no
clue to what extent. I had hoped that just being willing to go on the
journey would be sufficient grounds for all this to automatically
take place. I mean, wasn’t the hard part over? Leaving home, friends,
family to live with strangers, sleep in tents, eat foreign foods,
hold filthy children and catch every virus and bug known to man? As I
am learning, these were the easiest of all the decisions and
sacrifices needing to be made. The reality of this vision manifests
as this; I no longer am entitled to things such as the right to be
heard, or the right to favorites, personal space, clean body or
clothes, healthy food. Living in community takes away all rights to
be private about matters. On top of that I have “enrolled” myself
into an intense discipleship lifestyle of learning Godly character,
meaning to put everyone before me, preferring others rather than
myself, choosing to love through all circumstances (note, there is
supposed to be a point where there is freedom in preferring others, I
haven’t fully experienced it yet but I hope the day comes soon) …
have you tried that lately? Not an easy thing to become natural at.
In essence I am being re-ordered on the inside to a better state of
living in tune with The Holy Spirit.
I have wanted to keep friends and
family up to date through my blog with what The Lord has been
teaching me, but I am realizing that the timing is not right. I have
tried to talk and write about all that is happening on the inside and
find that the bulk of my vocabulary mysteriosly disappears, this
happened for about the first 7 weeks of the trip. I was extremely
frustrated and even began to wonder if this was a physical ailment
manifesting and that I should seek medical attention. I eventually
gave up my desire to have to share all that I feel or think. It’s
been hard because I value sharing what The Lord is doing, but He’s
not finished. Even since learning that this is how God is doing
things right now, I have slipped up and tried to write a blog or two
about me, and just before I am finished writing, the page will freeze
or go back, or connections die, losing all that I have written. So, I
really get it now. I have chosen to be set apart to Him only. So what
I am about to say may really only affect my immediate family, but I
feel that I need to “disappear” for a short time, not attempting
to write blogs or emails (hopefully just for my time in Bolivia).
This includes skype and msn (besides obvious and urgent matters,
don’t worry Mom). I have come to the point where it’s all or nothing.
I can’t keep my foot in the door of familiarity and comfort while
trying to understand all that The Lord is teaching me. If I want to
live a radical life for Jesus Christ than it requires radical changes
and sacrifices. I believe this blog is a success today because I have
not attempted to reiterate the CORE lessons I’ve been “taking”.
ha ha
God Bless you all, we’ll talk again
soon.
