Right now, I’m finishing up my second week at “Camp Dream” in
Ukraine. One week from today (July 1), Team Umoja will move on to Romania- our
second country on the World Race. I can’t lie, these past couple of weeks have
been hard. Not because of the long days spent planning camp activities or the
“interesting” Ukrainian diet. The hard part is the sheer reality that
this is the next year of my life: a constant stepping out of my comfort zone. A
constant “letting go” of all of the things I have looked to for
comfort while learning to look only to the Comforter. A constant decision to
continue moving forward in obedience, even when its the hardest thing I can
think of to do. A constant dying to myself and my own desires, not just in my
words, but in my actions. This is hard.
But, here’s the question that keeps coming to my mind these past couple
weeks: Is He worth this? Do I really believe, in the depths of my heart, that
the Jesus I love is worth giving up everything I know and living my life for
something more than my own happiness? Is Jesus worth letting go of things that
make me “feel” good, and instead searching out things that are real
and eternal? I really do believe that He is. As hard as these decisions are,
the conclusion I keep coming to is this: if I know even just a little bit more
of Jesus and His heart at the end of this year than I did at the beginning,
then this is all worth it. If I really believe that my God is who He says He
is, then naturally I will give up everything I can in order to seek Him out. He
will be worth this.
In the last few weeks, I have been reading the book “Radical”
by David Platt (side note- I highly recommend this book to anybody who actually
wants to follow the God of the Bible instead of a comfortable “god”
that they have created for themselves). This book has provided me with a
constant reminder that God never created me to live for myself, seeking out an
American Dream that has me working my life away in hopes of a comfortable
retirement. God has created me for so much more: He has created me for a global
mission that demands that I give my life away. It’s not a “calling”
for only a chosen few Christians, it’s a commandment from the one that I claim
to serve. God has created me to spend my life on things that will not fade
away. He has called me to spend my life on the eternal, and since I have made
the decision to follow Him I can do nothing less. It is no longer my choice- my
life belongs to my Lord. That means that, while my flesh would rather be at my
comfortable house in Athens surrounded by the people I love, I daily wake up
and choose to follow the Lord. And I choose to believe Him when He says that He
is better than all the other things that I could try to find comfort in. He is
worth this.
I keep waking up in the morning with the same song running through my
head. A reminder of what I’m doing. Here’s what the song says:
“I
want to waste my life to search you out, to search you out
I
don’t want to build castles in the sand
I
don’t want to live in a fairy tale
I
want what’s real, the knowledge of you
I
will remain forever, remain forever”
And that’s what I want to do: I want to spend my life in a way that
looks to the world like wasting my life, but looks to God like eternal reward.
I only ever want what is real and true and will last forever- the knowledge of
the one true God. And if seeking him means laying down myself, then, by His
strength, I will lay myself down.
“Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life
for my sake will find it” -Matthew 10:39
