so, it’s starting to hit me that this trip is coming up QUICK. all i’ve wanted for such a long time is an opportunity exactly like this one- an opportunity to go to people of different cultures and nations and show them the ultimate love, the love of Christ. there are few things that get me as excited as the prospect of what i’m about to do.
and yet i find myself so nervous about what’s in front of me. i look around and realize how comfortable i’ve become in the place i’m at. i’m still living in the town i went to college in, around people who I love dearly and who love me. i’m in a community where it is almost understood that you’re a christian. it’s rare that i go to a coffee shop and don’t see people studying the bible together. there are more worship gatherings and bible studies around me than i could possibly keep up with. i live in one of the easiest places in the country to be a christian.
and this is the kind of comfort that i’ve been called to leave.
“anyone who love his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me….and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. whoever finds his life will lose it and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:37-38).
the idea of leaving my home has never seemed like much of a challenge in my mind, and that’s because that’s all it was: an idea in my mind. in less than two months, i’m leaving everything that’s been comfortable to me. it’s more than an idea now, it’s reality. as i realize more and more how much comfort i’ve been finding in the things around me, i realize how much the Lord is my rock. i’m taking more comfort than ever in the promise that he gave me when he said “i will never leave you nor forsake you”.
i’ve realized that the same things i’m anxious about are the same things i’m excited about: leaving my comforts, putting myself in a position where i have to rely on the Lord, and stepping out in obedience to do what he set me apart to do. all of these things scare me on some level, but all of these things are what i’m looking forward to the most. i’m looking forward to the depth of intimacy with the Lord that will come from being in a place where i have to trust him. i’m looking forward to seeing the way that he shows himself faithful when i trust that he is all i need. i’m looking forward to being satisfied by him, because i trust that he satisfies. i’m looking forward to believing on a deeper level that he is my comforter when i let go of my false comforts.
so, despite my human tendency to be anxious right now about the things in front of me, i’m gonna choose to trust. because he has always proven himself faithful.
