Our ministry here in Chiang Mai, Thailand is primarily focused on showing God’s love to hurting women and men in the red light district whose lives are steeped in the darkness of Thailand’s booming sex industry. Our time on the streets can get incredibly heavy- really, it’s just straight warfare- so, each night as part of our team goes out to spend time in the bars, some of us stay back to intercede and cover our teammates in prayer protection. We also spend a great deal of time praying for the hearts of each person they are interacting with- mostly women who have been hurt and taken advantage of; who experience very little genuine love and whose identities’ and hearts have been bruised and wounded.
Last night, I stayed back to intercede. After some time, I realized how distracted my thoughts were. I have an incredibly opportunity to intercede…to bring kingdom to these streets through my prayers; to change things in the spiritual through my communion with God and the requests I bring before Him. And yet, my thoughts seem to be centering around just about anything else. I quickly became so aware of the distraction and anxiety in my own heart, rooted deeply in selfishness. I’ve learned that, when I recognize these things inside of myself- things that don’t reflect the heart of God- it’s futile to try to will myself to change. The only way for my heart to change- to reflect more the heart of God- is to ask the One who created my heart in the first place to bring transformation. So, I’m asking Him for transformation. I want my heart to be crying for the injustice of what’s happening around me rather than thinking of my own cares and anxieties. I want my heart to truly reflect the heart of the One who is love.
So, here is my prayer. Just a short journal entry (true stream of consciousness), asking the Lord for change…
God, I ask you to slow down my thoughts. Give me your thoughts.
God, take away…
all this pressure i put on myself. my heaviness of thought. my unbelief in who you are. my insecurities. my longing to figure things out. my tendency to be so hard on myself and others. my discontentment and restlessness. my confusion and any feelings of being overwhelmed. my tendency towards anxiety and longing for control. my focus on peripheral things. my focus on myself. my resistance to believing your words for me. my distracting thoughts and inability to listen to you. my focus on earthly things. my resistance to diving in deeper with you. my fear of complete freedom. my desire for temporal satisfaction. my foolishness. paradigms that hinder me. anything that dilutes my passion. shame that i unknowingly cling to. selfishness. impatience.
Instead, God, put in me…
humility. the ability to think only about you. unheard of amounts of wisdom. more faith than i’ve ever known. the ability to have a still heart and listen to your voice. the belief that your voice matters more than my own. a new confidence in your love for me. eyes that see only you. selflessness. a heart that genuinely loves you and longs to praise only you. a love for your word and the ability to believe every word in a way that changes me. a heart that is fertile soil. a selfless, genuine love for absolutely everyone around me. the ability to see peoples’ needs. the ability to see outside of myself. the ability to love the way that you do. revelation of what your love is like. new dreams. hope and joy. ease and relaxation. complete trust in you. confidence in who you created me to be. a pure heart. a pure mind. freedom from anxiety. desire for only the eternal. wisdom to know what is eternal. complete peace. kindness and gentleness. the desire to intercede on behalf of others. the ability to know what to intercede for. eyes to see spiritual reality. freedom from performance. a genuine heart. the ability to share truth in love. the fruits of the Spirit. feet that go on the heights with you. the ability to communicate my heart clearly. freedom from useless desires. new depths of creativity. the desire to always praise you with the creativity you’ve given me. a fire to see your kingdom on this earth. child like faith. love for the least of these. love for everyone else. love for those who don’t love me. your thoughts towards others. patience. the capacity to receive more of your love every day. homesickness for heaven. passion that leads to action. love that changes things.
Please pray for our teams here in Chiang Mai…that the true heart of God would shine through us as we walk these streets, building relationships with the sons and daughters of God who are unknowingly crying out for His love.
With Love, Angela
