“Lord, I’m done. I can’t take this anymore! I’ve prayed for weeks about it and nothing has changed. If you want me to have another conversation I will, but this is how it will go. ‘Liz, this is so stupid! We haven’t really spoken in over two weeks and in doing so we are allowing Satan to win. God has given us this friendship for so many reasons! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?!'”
Liz is the only person I have spent all 11 months with. In Zimbabwe our friendship began as I noticed our similarities in loving deep conversations and intentionally getting to know people. We slowly began to realize how different we are too. Sometimes my overly optimistic perspective rubbed her the wrong way. Sometimes her harsh truth was too much for me to take.
[Zimbabwe]
I prayed that prayer in Honduras, the hardest month in terms of Liz and me’s friendship. It was pretty much nonexistent. She had been hurt that I didn’t stand up for her when we were talking with our team. After giving her space and talking again we were still on different pages and hurting each other. In those hard nights, staying up late, journaling angrily with the light of my headlamp, wondering if God really did care about our friendship, she was less than 20 feet away in her tent, which felt like miles away.
I have always been one to embrace confrontation. I’ve experienced many times how confrontation spurred intimacy. I was beginning to doubt this, because it seemed that no matter what I shared with Liz, she just didn’t care. So as weeks went by, we let things continue to go unsaid, until I woke up one morning totally fed up!
[South Africa]
I rolled over, praying frustratedly as my sweaty legs stuck to my sleeping bag in the early morning sunlight pouring into my tent. It was the day we were doing ministry as a team; the first day all month that I would be forced to spend all day with all my teammates. As I prayed and told God how my conversation with Liz would go if it were to take place, I begged that ultimately she would pursue me.
Since we were forced to spend the day together, I was anxious that anything good would come out of my interactions with Liz. That morning at breakfast I sat next to her and we actually made eye contact and spoke to one another which was a huge step. As the day continued we began to acknowledge one another’s presence and value each other’s words. Before dinner she said she needed to catch me up on something the Lord had been teaching her.
[China]
I was shocked when later that night she kept her word and asked me into her tent where she shared and even read her journal aloud to me. As I sat there inches from her, I forgave her. Even though she didn’t ask for forgiveness in the ways that I felt she had hurt me, my heart softened toward her. God had answered my half-hearted prayer ‘let her pursue me’ only hours after I prayed it! Were we the best of friends again, no! But we were making progress to break down walls and allow each other back in.
Fast forward about one month later. We are in Nicaragua, our team is alone for the first time, making it harder to avoid one teammate. Liz and I are better, but definitely not at the level we once were. One night we have a really good team time where issues are brought to the surface and feelings of wanting to go deeper as a team are expressed. This special team time was brought up by Liz and I. For the first time in a long time, we are on the same page.
[Beijing]
At the end of team time she suggests we have a sleepover in her tent, and I admit to having the exact same thought! (The Holy Spirit was soo at work!) We stayed up for hours talking and praying. We listened and shared and realized how good God is. I have never had such long, hard distance with a friend before, and even though it really sucked, now I am thankful it happened. Our reconciliation proved “that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” [Romans 8:28]
In those nights of frustrating prayers, she was 20 feet away, headlamp on, screaming at her journal as well. During our time apart I deepened other friendships with people on our squad that poured into me. As we looked at each other’s actions and questioned ‘WHY?!?’ God taught us more about how to love like He does. When I didn’t have Liz to run my ideas, questions, and concerns past, I was forced to always go to God first.
[Philippines]
Liz is a woman of boldness. A passionate, prayer warrior, who is ALWAYS seeking to attain more of Jesus. She will do ANYTHING she can to experience MORE of God’s presence. This contagious quality has pushed me to deeper intimacy with the Lord. She speaks truth in love and allows herself to be a vessel in which the Holy Spirit flows through to encourage, uplift, and edify others. Liz always tells it like it is and is herself no matter what the situation.
So much growth I’ve experienced over the last 11 months is thanks to her sweet, deep friendship. She encouraged me to embrace my feelings. She’s pushed me to desire the weird stuff from God: prophecy, speaking in tongues, experiencing the Holy Spirit, etc. Liz has taught me that my identity is never found in my performance.
[Romania]
Liz, in eight days when we return to our different homes hundreds of miles away, I will miss you dearly. I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to have done life with you for 11 months! I will miss the way you understand me, and often have the same thought at the exact same moment. I will miss agreeing to disagree. I’ll miss making eye contact across the room and knowing what each other is thinking. I’ll miss you being able to finish my sentences.
I will always remember the moment I knew our friendship was special. One night in the Philippines I was sharing with my team how I felt overwhelmed and burnt out as a team leader. When someone asked me a question in which I didn’t know how to respond, Liz answered in a way expressing how she thought I felt. As she spoke it was like my words came from her mouth; I completely agreed with what she perceived. She read and understood me better than I could express myself. In that moment I knew her friendship would be a prized gift for years to come.
[on our way to Vienna]
