***Forgive me as this blog has a lot of my thoughts over the past few days all piled into one heart felt letter.***
Lately I have been feeling the stress about the World Race. I want to be able to enjoy this experience, from start to finish, but me being me I stress about everything. I have these doubts that I won’t end up going on the trip because of finances. It’s a huge fear of mine.
Yesterday it hit me that I have to raise $5,000 in ONE MONTH. That is an incredibly scary thought. My first thought is, “I know the Lord will provide but WHY? I’m not that great of a person, I mess up all the time and I truly do not deserve His goodness.” But when I started thinking this I heard a voice say, ‘because I love you’.
Because HE loves ME. It’s that simple but still really hard to grasp. He loves me so much that even through my filth and sin He still cares to help me… That blows my mind.
Have you ever wanted something so badly it hurts?
I want this trip.
I want this adventure.
I want this time with Jesus and only Him.
I want to be able to hold these children in all 11 countries and tell them they are loved.
I want to bond with my squad and have this friendship that only we will ever fully understand.
I want be so dependent on Jesus that He is the only reason that I go throughout my day.
I want to be able to say that I lived fully and unashamedly for Christ.
I want to be like the apostles in Acts as they abandoned their lives for the sake of the gospel.
I want this trip.
In order for all of these wants to become my reality, I must first become active and productive. I realized that these past few days I have been lazy, unproductive, and in the process stressing myself out. I believe Jesus blesses, He holds nothing back when He gives, and He does it with all of His love but one thing that has struck a chord in me lately is that I want the Lord to bless me and this trip but sometimes I am not willing to put in the effort. When Jesus gives He is moving closer to us. I have learned that I too must be moving in the efforts that when He gives I will standing in front of Him, waiting to receive His love and all that He promises.
It is hard for me to be so honest and vulnerable but I want you all to know that I struggle with being productive and using my time in a wise way. The thing about struggling though is that it’s okay to struggle, it happens, it’s natural. But what is not okay is if I stay here in my struggle and continue to not change. I choose to leave this spot and start moving to Jesus so that soon we will be standing face to face.
I cannot wait for this moment.
“I love you Lord, my strength.” Psalm 18:1
Your World Racer
Andy Ramirez
