Twenty- four.
Twenty- four years old and the things I’ve gotten to do, people I’ve gotten to meet, the places I’ve gotten to live.
Twenty- four.
Some don’t make it this far, others live far past this.
The life I’ve lived this last year… I can’t seem to find the right words to say what has happened. I’ve tried writing this particular blog several times because I can’t properly put it all together for you.
There is so much I could say. I could tell you about all the ups and downs, about the time I wept on the shower floor because of the overwhelming sadness living inside of me. The stories I never wrote about it like the time me and my team healed the woman who couldn’t walk. The people that I got to meet like Paiy who til this day remains the greatest person I will ever know. The way that Jesus loved me this year. The way He took this broken, sad, deeply hurt girl and made her strong, made her lovely, made her her.
So much happened this year and as it comes to the end the thought running through my mind is that I don’t think I’m ready for America, for home, for everyone waiting for me. Which is a lie straight from Satan himself but the truth is I’m scared.
But yet I’m ready. But yet I’m prepared. But yet I’m excited.
But as I have learned this year, fear cripples us before we even have a chance to move.
It tells us we can’t do it even when we know we can.
It stops us in our tracks, tells us it’s not safe even though you can clearly see the green pastures calling for you.
I can’t tell you all the stories. I can’t tell you how it made me feel. I can’t paint the right pictures. But I’m gonna try so please don’t hesitate to ask the hard questions.
The race is ending.
No more living with people 24/7.
No more having to bring your own toilet paper EVERYWHERE you go.
No more seeing weird animals or bugs.
No more awful street smells.
NO MORE HAVING TO WALK EVERYWHERE! (your girl is real excited about that one)
No more having to move somewhere new every 3 weeks.
No more having to struggle to understand someone’s broken English.
And no more of my sweet friends I’ve grown accustomed to seeing everyday.
The race is ending and I must move with it.
So where do I go?
A question I’ve been asking myself for the last five months. If I could only tell you the worry and frustration I’ve had over what my next step is. I’ve asked and asked Jesus where to go next but I got nothing.
I was hoping for specifics because if you know me then you know that I like specific answers to specific questions. I don’t ever want to do the wrong thing, the perfectionist in me.
As time went on though I realized that God doesn’t always tell us exactly where to go or what to do. Sometimes He trust us to make our own decisions because He knows we will keep Him in the center. We may plan our lives but He establishes our steps.
My Lord was trusting me with what was next.
So after countless hours of searching and googling and praying I am happy to announce what I will be doing this next season!
I am applying for a fellowship with an organization called Catalyst. It’s an organization located in Georgia that is geared toward building church leadership through themed conferences across the country. I would use my degree to plan these leadership conferences for local church leaders. Getting to use my degree for Jesus is literally all I want and with this fellowship I would get that! Man, how Jesus gives us what we most desire when we most desire it! I would love your prayers because I haven’t gotten it yet but out of everything in the world right now this is what I want. This is what I choose.
This next step will unfortunately lead me out of the greatest place I’ve ever known, Texas. Which literally makes me burst into tears just writing it but my excitement for this opportunity silences the deep sadness I feel of potentially having to leave all over again.
But I’m happy and relieved to say I know where my life is headed, new places filled with new people but for the same purpose, Jesus.
My time as a racer is ending but my life as a daughter and soldier for the kingdom of God is continuing.
Thank you for being a part of this journey. For your prayers, for your comments, for your financial support, for everything. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
My prayer is that you may confidently believe and understand the love Jesus has for you, that you would choose Him because He is already choosing you. If you want Him but don’t know where to even start please please please reach out. I would love to walk you through it!
And please if you want to hear about this year hit your girl and in return I want to hear your stories because I know your life continued too. So please reach out via messenger!
I will be home in 2 days.
So soon I can almost taste a Texas margarita!
