We’ve all had that one relationship that was too toxic for us.
The one where the words pierced your soul but you didn’t notice because of your feelings.
The one where the fights happened too often but you kept standing up for what you thought was the real deal.
The one where your emotions dictated your future.
The one where you daily gave more and more of yourself, to someone that didn’t care.
The one where your feelings were dumped on the side of the road and no one ever came back for them.
But, in the moment, you never noticed this was happening because you had your blinders on for the wrong person.
While this was taking place, something was actually being taken from you. This relationship was taking parts of you, and you didn’t even notice until it was too late.
You looked in the mirror, and you didn’t recognize who was staring back at you. You, sweet girl, were losing your heart for yourself.
The girl staring back at you was broken, cracked, and deeply saddened. You no longer liked what was right in front of you. You wanted to be someone else; someone prettier, funnier, smarter, someone worth loving. You lost your heart for yourself. You no longer love who you are. You left your heart uncovered.
Therefore, the enemy came and took it. You have yet to go and get it back.
In the meantime, you look for love and affirmation around every corner, hoping it lasts long enough to fill the empty hole inside your hollow heart. But what you find, never lasts. It never fills you long enough. When it leaves, you are reminded again of the emptiness. Instead of recognizing the hard truth, you start the cycle of looking for love again. You don’t love yourself anymore.
No amount of human love can fill the heart, unless it is from the one who created it.
It is month two on the race and I have come face to face with this hard truth: I do not love myself.
I have forgiven the boy who took something from me. I have moved passed the relationship. But, I have not regained myself love. Instead, I have stayed in this place where I immediately believe I am unworthy of anything good. In every situation, my mind goes to thinking “less-than”; whatever the situation may be, I assume I am not good enough.
Because this thought process was happening so often, I stopped noticing. I stopped fighting for myself. I stopped believing I was a woman who is LOVED.
My heart stopped beating for ME. My blood stopped flowing. Everything inside of me had grown numb; I didn’t even notice. Life kept going by, all the while, I stood frozen.
Because of the lack of love for myself, I find it hard to accept love from other people. Which in return, makes it hard for me to accept my Fathers love. It is a scary chain reaction that has negatively impacted my life.
But after three years of walking through this cycle, I am ready to fight for myself. I am ready to embrace all that I am.
I am choosing to say YES to me.
I am choosing to accept myself instead of waiting for other people to do it for me.
Jesus and I are coming back to retrieve my heart from the hands of the enemy.
My teammate reminded me that I am not alone in this journey. I have 54 people fighting alongside me in this next season.
For accountability, this month I have asked a squad mate to join me daily in prayer. We will be praying over my thoughts about WHO I AM.
I am currently a work in process. But that is OKAY. God is crafting me and perfecting me. He is shaping into the image of Christ.
If you recognize that you also struggle with loving and accepting yourself, it is time to stand up and fight back for what you have lost.
You, sweet girl, need to go and get your heart back.
Contact me. We can walk through this together as warrior princesses. Let’s go and take back the crowns our Father has given us.
Please pray for me as I embark on this new journey. It is time to reunite with an old friend. I have a feeling it is going to be an overdue reunion.
