These days I find myself doubting more than ever.
Why?
Because I’m human.
I have become a woman who confidently hears from the Lord.
I know this about myself. It’s something I really like. I’m confident in it but still my humanness breathes to life this doubt that never seems to go away, no matter how much confidence I possess.
How, why and are you sure it’s Him?
I spend a lot of time with Him so I know His voice.
I know the manner in which He speaks to me; gently.
I know the tone of His voice; soft.
I know the things He tells me; I love you my daughter.
I know Him.
But you see, sometimes He tells me these outrageous things like,
“Tell that woman to stand up, she is healed.”
And I, in my mind, question whether that is my own thoughts or Jesus.
Or the typical, “what if I say it and then it doesn’t happen”…doubt.
But every time my Lord says something it comes to be.
Why?
Because His word is true and His promises endure forever. 1 Peter 1:25
(Btw the woman stood up and walked with no pain. It was awesome!)
So why then do I still doubt? Why then do I still question if what I heard is true? Why do I still give power to the doubt?
I know who the Lord is. I know who He says He is. I know what He has done, will do and can do.
I know Him.
I know Him.
I know Him.
So if I know Him why then do I find myself drowning in my own humanness and doubt?
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Back in April, I prayed a big, specific, prayer.
I was nervous to pray for it but I did it anyway because for the past 3 years I have desired this one particular thing but always assumed I wasn’t good enough to possess it.
So I never prayed for it.
But the Bible says, ask and you will receive. Matthew 7:7-8
Simple, right?
Yes. That simple. Yes. That hard to do. I know, sounds crazy but it isn’t.
Sometimes we miss out on really incredible things from Jesus because we are too afraid to ask for the big, crazy, extravagant things.
But we have to remember we serve the God who created the ENTIRE WORLD.
THE ENTIRE WORLD PEOPLE.
If He can do that than He can answer your prayer. In fact, He wants to.
Why?
Because He loves you and cares about what you care about.
Crazy thought, I know, a Father caring about what His kids care about.
So I prayed a big prayer, the biggest one yet.
I finished the prayer and I heard Him speak.
“yes.”
I left feeling at peace, knowing Jesus heard my prayer, my plea and gave me the desire of my heart.
But it isn’t something that I currently have, even though I heard Him say yes, it’s something I will eventually have. This is a perfect situation for doubt to manifest.
Fast forward a few weeks with peace still intact, I began to spend each morning praying for my big prayer.
Each time I prayed or thought about it I would always hear “soon or wait” nothing more. So each day brought the same prayers.
The Bible says not to be anxious about anything but by prayer and supplication bring your request to God. Philippians 4:6
(supplication means the action of asking or begging for something earnestly or humbly)
So that’s what I did, everyday for a month.
I prayed.
On June 1st, He spoke a date.
“June 15th.”
It was no longer “soon or wait”.
My prayers were being breathed to life and as the day approached I began to doubt everything.
Doubt that Jesus heard my prayers.
Doubt that He would even give me anything good.
Doubt that He would give what I ask for.
Doubt that what I heard was from Him.
Doubt in my Father.
This stupid doubt has me questioning something that was so pure and good and from my sweet Father.
I hate it.
Today is June 15th and I sit in my doubt, fighting it, praying it away.
I’m reminded to believe even in the midst of my unbelief. Mark 9:24
I don’t know what today will bring. I don’t even know if it will bring anything at all.
But this is what I know to be certain.
1. Jesus is madly in love with me.
2. Jesus speaks to me.
3. I hear His voice.
4. He cares to give me the desires my heart longs for. Fact.
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives and the one who seeks finds and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son ask him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in Heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” Matthew 7:7-11
This is good stuff folks, believe it. It’s true and trustworthy.
