Below is a journal entry from this week.
Its honest.
Its where I’ve been for a few days.
Its where God spoke to me with gentleness and complete understanding.
I’m angry with you and I don’t like it but it’s how I feel.
I’m angry because I don’t know why you aren’t healing these people. I’m willing but it’s like you’re not. I know you want to because you care for them but right now it doesn’t seem that way.
Remember the mute lady today? The one with the deformed granddaughter, who couldn’t have been more than 10 years old. Remember them?
Why didn’t you heal them?
Is there something wrong with me?
I’m fasting. I’m sacrificing. I’m literally changing all of who I am for you and I don’t see anything happening.
What’s wrong with me?
What more do I need to change for you to save these people?
Because whatever it is I’ll do it.
Jesus, I want more for them.
I want them to know that without you life has no meaning. That being with you is everything.
I wish I could sacrifice for them. I wish my faith could save them because that’s how much I love these people here in Peru.
Jesus, I want more for them and I’m angry with you because I know you can give it but you aren’t.
Why?
With concern,
Your angry daughter
Andy, I want everything you want for them.
Seeing them each day as they sleep, as they eat, as they do secret things in the dark.
I want them so deeply.
What you feel, I feel too. I hurt with you.
But love, they have to want it. I don’t force myself on my people. I’m a gentleman. If I force them to choose me, if I force them to love me than it wouldn’t be love. I wouldn’t be who I say I am.
Everything you want, I want for them too. So badly that I came to die to win you all back. To give you the opportunity for that more.
I had to do something to get you back. I couldn’t stand being apart from you so I came and died so that we wouldn’t have to be apart.
I want everything you want for them so much so that I died for it.
Be patient, my daughter.
I’m coming back soon.
Wait and pray.
With deep love,
Your dad
