“Is Love Worth It?”
“Prepare”
Since the beginning of October, the Lord has been saying “prepare.”
“Prepare for what?” I thought to myself.
Right away I thought I knew what the word prepare meant. However, little did I know what the Lord really was putting on my heart to do.
My heart has been up and down the last month. Why? Because of the word “love”. What do we love? Why do we love? Can we control what or who we love or is it completely directed by the LORD?
I have realized how over the course of the last year and a half the LORD has healed and softened my heart so much. He has put things in my heart and taken things out. I have felt everything from pain, sadness, and brokenness to excitement, joy, and life. However, being in tune with my heart has not been easy because often times it hurts.
I recently listened to a podcast called “Encountering God’s Love” by Kris Vallotton and in it, he described how when he was going through a season of pain, anxiety, and hopelessness it was a result of love. When we see our family members struggling, when we see relationships not working out, when there is conflict happening, when others are hurting, we hurt for them because we love them. This is a normal human condition. It is human to hurt because we love. I have realized that when my heart loves it hurts, and it hurts because it loves.
I have been meditating on these verses of love over the last couple of weeks:
“Above all keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins”
-1 Peter 4:8
“Such love has no fear, because perfect love casts out all fear.”
-1 John 4:18
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.”
-1 Corinthians 13:4-7
“Let love be your highest goal!”
– 1 Corinthians 14:1
“We love because he first loved us.”
-1 John 4:19
I have also realized how much love is connected to hope. For “love always is hopeful.” For when I have hope I feel peace, when I have no hope I have no peace. And realizing that when I do have hope, I then can have faith, however, when I have no hope I will have no faith. And this has all been a process to understand and I still don’t know if Im communicating my heart that clearly, but this is the best I can do.
This seems so hard to describe on a heart level, but it is so real so I need to try to describe it. The only example that comes close to what I am going through is what I felt like in month 6 of the World Race. It was in the country of Georgia and God took me through what may have been the hardest 21 days of my life.
I just received word that going to Egypt was a green light, however, we needed to raise $11,500 within 21 days for it to happen. I remember getting on the plane from Israel headed to Georgia and remembering my heart in excruciating pain. To this point I tried so hard to get Egypt to be green, yet now everything was out of my control. I know I heard the Lord say yes to Egypt, yet this burden of finances seemed like an impossible barrier to cross. It was so out of my control because God can only move in peoples hearts to give or even stronger to love.
It still amazes me how people’s hearts are so linked to their money. For God said, “Where your treasures are, there the desires of your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:21) How can God move so many people to love enough to give so that we may have an opportunity to go to a country that desperately needs Jesus.
The pain was so bad because it seemed hopeless, I wasn’t in the United States to support raise. I felt like I couldn’t trust God because it was too big. Every time I thought about it it seemed impossible. I remember praying day by day, hour by hour, and really breath by breath because my heart was so connected and burdened by my love for the people of Egypt even though I have never met them before in my life.
I had very limited phone conversation with our host. He didn’t know me at all other than the few brief conversations we had. The trust that was built was as small as a mustard seed and it was all a risk. The risk of safety for our team, the risk of safety of his (our host’s) ministry, the risk of losing everything. Thinking about it again and again there were times where it was down to the wire – the very last string as if we were dangling by a thread.
I couldn’t eat, every time I woke up my heart sank, my thoughts immediately went to worry and the worry lead me to cry out to God for hours. On top of all this waiting I was trying to stay focused on the present. The present with my team, the present of the current ministry, the present of the daily tasks of life – cooking meals, writing blogs, spending time with God, and cleaning. I was struggling so hard with being known and understood by my team. I was struggling with receiving love and giving love. I was struggling with letting go of the burden of the unknown.
So after hanging by a wire for 18 days and struggling in so many areas in the waiting, God opened the door! He provided exactly what we needed financially, he allowed our host to take a leap of faith and trust in me and the organization, and he let the organization take a leap of faith in trust in our host. All of these things were out of my control, but because of love I could not stop praying for them. God answered my prayer and my life was forever changed as we headed to Egypt.
So right now, God has put another step of faith in my life and I’m realizing I can prepare all I want, but ultimately, he is in control. I had a conversation with my family today and they told me to make a memorial of Egypt, remembering the goodness of the LORD because the same God who revealed his goodness then will be the same one to reveal his goodness now. Regardless of the risk, the pain, the unknown, the anxiety and worry, the LORD will because that is who HE is! I feel like I have to maintain the mindset that the LORD came through last time and HE will come through again, but my heart hurts every day in the waiting.
My squad coach challenged our squad on the race in month 9 (April in Kyrgyzstan) to “get close enough to people to let them scar you.” This requires love and trust to get close enough to people to be hurt by them. I have also realized this month that the more we value a person, the more we value what they have to say.
The people we love, we want to take perspective more seriously ultimately because we love them and want to do the best we can for them. However, even the words of those closest to us can be used against us if we misunderstand what they really mean.
So when God calls me to “prepare” I believe it is Him saying, “I have more for you. Prepare your heart for love. Prepare for suffering. Prepare for change. Prepare to go. Prepare for all I have for you in the next season. And do not be afraid.”
Its ironic how my name Andrew Nicholas means “Courageous Victor.” I believe God uses names in our lives in a profound prophetic way to embrace a call on our life. I have found that the deeper we follow Christ the more we are required to sacrifice or the more aware we are of the sacrifice He calls us to.
I have been wrestling with the question, “Is love worth it?” And every time my mind says, “Yes, yes it is! Absolutely, 100%.” Yet, in my heart when I see Jesus who traded his world for our world to love a people who may never love him back and decide to break His heart and sacrifice His life on a cross, I have to think again. Could I do that? Could I sacrifice my world for someone else’s or for no guarantee but a chance? A chance of being loved back?
The reality of this question “is love worth it?” grabs me, brings me to my knees and cries out for God’s help and the power of Holy Spirit. This feeling is the same feeling that Jesus experienced when he was sweating drops of blood in the garden of Gethsemane, yet about a million times greater. What a savior we have! He is full of LOVE! HE is my hero, my lover, my friend, and HE is worth everything I am and everything I have.
Philippians 2:14 says, “God gives us the desire and power to do what pleases him.”
“LORD help me to have the power to do what pleases you and to love as you loved no matter what!”
Is love worth is?
The answer is a resounding “YES.”
